Friday, 11 August 2017

MARVELMANIA POSTERS Of The '60s...


Images copyright MARVEL COMICS

Okay, peeps, I've shown them all before (in two parts), but can you blame me for reposting them?  Produced, I think, for MARVELMANIA, these pulsating posters are highly sought-after collectors' items - and here you have all eight of them for absolutely nothing.  I spoil you Crivvies, I really do.  Got a favourite?  Then let's hear you wax lyrical as to why in our scintillating comments section.







BABE Of The DAY - ALEX KINGSTON...



ALEX KINGSTON played RIVER
SONG in Dr. WHO.  She was very aptly
named, as I'm crying a river 'cos she's way
out of my league.  Though I could always
'slum' it, I suppose - after all, there's no
point in being snobbish, is there?

ME AND DAVID BOWIE...



Behave yourselves - of course I never met the man.  However, I did once present a prize of a DAVID BOWIE LP to a lucky raffle winner (who, as you can see, is clearly utterly enthralled by my 'electrifying' manly-man charisma) at some musical charity night at a local hotel back in November 1986.  This came about because my town's newspaper had recently published an article about me freelancing for 2000 A.D., and the organiser considered me a close enough approximation of a minor local celebrity for him to invite me to present a prize.  Yes, he was clearly scraping the bottom of the barrel.  (I said it first.)

Also present were footballer ALLY McCOIST, and a couple of glamorous models, one whose name was, I think, CATRINA GARRITY, though I may be wrong about that.  I've included the models anyway, 'cos I know you'd all rather see two leggy burds than make yourselves jealous looking at my hirsute handsomeness.  (The blonde woman was part of hotel management, but I don't know her name.)

Hell's bells - that was over 30 years ago, yet it seems like only last week to me.  Wish my beard was that colour nowadays when I let it grow, and I wish my stomach was as flat as it was back then.  Ain't getting old a bitch?!
   

Thursday, 10 August 2017

The HITMAN And HER...



Bloke goes into the pub one night, looking glum.  After a while, the barman says "What's up, mate?  You look really miserable."  The bloke looks at the barman and says "Ach, it's the wife.  She's been playing away from home - I wish she was dead!"  Barman thinks he's joking and laughs, then notices that the bloke isn't laughing with him.  "Maybe I shouldn't tell you this," he says, "but the guy sitting over in the corner - his name's Artie - is a hitman.  If you're really serious about the wife, have a word with him."  "Thanks," says the bloke, "I'll do that right now."

So the bloke strolls over to Artie and says "Your name Artie?"  "Yup," says Artie.  Bloke says "You a hitman?"  "Yup," says Artie.  Bloke says "How much would you take to kill the wife?"  Artie thinks for a moment, then replies "£1."  Well, the bloke is astounded, but it turns out that Artie is a hitman more for the love of it than the money, so the deal is struck.  Artie then proceeds to discreetly follow the bloke's wife for the next couple of weeks to get an idea of her routine, and to determine the best moment to strike.  He notes that she does her shopping in her local Tesco every Wednesday morning when the place is usually deserted, so he decides to top her on the very next Wednesday.

On the day, Artie strolls into Tesco and casually throttles the bloke's wife.  As he's making his way to the door, however, he sees another customer that he hadn't previously noticed, so he throttles her as well.  Then he thinks "Better do the till assistant, just in case she remembers my face," so he throttles her too.  As he's strolling up the road, a passing policeman, seeing three dead bodies through the shop window, and having noticed that Artie has just left the premises, gives chase.  Artie legs it, but is nabbed.

Next day in the paper, the headline reads:

"ARTIE CHOKES THREE FOR A £1 AT TESCO!" 

BABE Of The DAY - LINDA THORSON...



LINDA THORSON stands beside the
'phone, trying to make up her mind whether
to call me or not.  Yes, no, yes, no - she's trying
her hardest to resist.  However, so potent is my
manly-man sex appeal, she's sure to cave in and
call me.  And there's my 'phone ringing now -
 what did I tell you?  She loves me to bits.

Wednesday, 9 August 2017

SQUID'S IN...



In a seafood restaurant is a water tank with various forms of aquatic life, so that the customers can choose exactly which delicacy they want to eat.  Fish, eels, prawn, lobster, squid, whatever - they're all in the tank awaiting their fate as some punter's dinner.  In the corner of the tank sits a little green squid, as meek, mild and limp as all get out.  Punter comes in one day and says "I'll have that thing in the corner of the tank - and hurry it up, I'm starving!"  Gervais, the head waiter replies "Certainly sir," and uses a net to fish Squidly out of the tank.

He takes it into the kitchen, lays it on the chopping board, lifts his cleaver - and looks into the eyes of the limp, little green creature staring inoffensively up at him.  "It's no use, I can't do it," he says.  He turns around and spots Hans, the dish washer, standing over at the sink.  "Hans, I just don't know what's come over me.  Customer at table number 7 wants this squid for his lunch, but I don't have the heart to kill it.  Will you do it for me?"

"Sure thing," says Hans, walking over to the chopping board and picking up the cleaver.  Little Squidly sits limply staring up at him, and Han's resolve crumbles.  "Nah, I can't do it either," he says to Gervais, not quite understanding why he can't kill the little thing.  However, I know the reason, and am about to tell you now.

For Hans that does dishes is as soft as Gervais, with mild, green, fairly limp squid.

******

(If you're British and know the old Fairy Liquid ad, you should find that funny.  If not, you'll be scratching your head.)     

SIMON TEMPLAR - DEBONAIR, SOPHISTICATED - AND GAY...?


Here's WARREN MITCHELL (before his days as ALF GARNETT) and ROGER MOORE (plus some burd) in an overdubbed clip from The SAINT.  (Very funny.)  RORY BREMNER does the voice of ST.  

(To now see this clip, you'll have to jump over to YouTube to view it there.  Well-worth it.)

KLASSIC KIRBY KOMIC KOVERS: BLACK PANTHER #16...

Image copyright MARVEL COMICS

Okay, so it started out as the splash page of FANTASTIC FOUR #52, but it's a (variant) cover now.  I still say that The THING is too small, looking almost like a pygmy, but that apart (and The PANTHER's ridiculous ears), it's an effective image by JACK (King) KIRBY.  You should still be able to buy this mag at any good comicbook store, but if you can't think of one, pop into GREGGS instead and buy a cheese & onion pasty.

Monday, 7 August 2017

KLASSIC KARTOON KOLLECTABLES - YOGI BEAR...


Since he first appeared in The HUCKLEBERRY HOUND Show back in the late '50s, YOGI BEAR has been present on shop shelves in some form of merchandise in every decade right up to the present.  That's quite an achievement when you think about it.  I now have more items of '60s merchandise than I had back then, and I'm always on the lookout to add to my collection.  Three items I had in the '60s yet elude me, those being a pair of Yogi slippers, a Hallowe'en mask, and an inflatable 'Punch' Yogi.  Maybe one day, eh?  (Update: Now got the mask.)

In the meantime, here's a couple of items I acquired only recently - a Yogi toothbrush holder from the '60s, and a Yogi bubble bath from the mid-'90s.  That bear's going to take over the world someday - trust me.

Sunday, 6 August 2017

CUTE KITTENS COMPILATION...



Like kittens?  Then you'll love this.

RECOMMENDED EATING: SAUSAGE ROLL...



Had a delicious sausage roll the other day, which hit the spot nicely.  Where did I buy this meaty morsel you're no doubt wondering?  Why, GREGGS, of course.  If you're out at the shops today, then pop in and buy one and fill that empty space in your tummy.  You'll be glad you did - or my name isn't Handsome Gordie.  (Well, it is in my house.)

Friday, 4 August 2017

AVENGERS KING-SIZE SPECIAL MINI COVER GALLERY...

Images copyright MARVEL COMICS

As I gad about the streets of Glasgow, spreading joy and merriment among all those I encounter, I'm often asked "What's your next blog post going to be about, Kid, O wisest and kindest of men?"  Truth to tell, although I do sometimes plan my posts ahead, most of the time they're spontaneous, which is a nicer way of saying I just make them up as I go along.  This is one such instance, where I decided - off the top of my head - to show you the covers of the first four AVENGERS King-Size Specials.  (And they're all mine too.)  Enjoy!

Incidentally, I first read the story in the above comic when it was reprinted in the last few issues of FANTASTIC back in 1968.



Don't blame me for this one - the cover's bound this way on the comic

A CRAZY KIND Of LOVE - MINI COVER GALLERY...

Images copyright GUSSONI-YOE STUDIO, Inc.

Well, more weird than crazy as a matter of fact - though the two words are not entirely different in this case.  Here's half a dozen covers from WEIRD LOVE, which someone gave me a few weeks back.  These covers are slightly misleading, as they give the impression that the stories within might be quite lurid and shocking, but they seem to be moral-driven tales, written with the intention of setting a good example to teenagers and young couples.  I've only read a couple so far, but they're an entertaining way of passing the time.





(BOND) BABE Of The DAY - DIANA RIGG AS EMMA PEEL...


Oo-er, this photo looks just a bit
naughty, though it was on mainstream
TV in the 1960s so it must be totally clean
and wholesome, in spite of its slightly saucy
appearance.  It's the sexy DIANA RIGG,
down in the basement of her brand-new
local ANN SUMMERS store.

CRIVENS' CLASSIC COMIC COVERS: BRAVE & THE BOLD #28 & FANTASTIC FOUR #1...

Image copyright DC COMICS

Apparently, the success of DC's The BRAVE & The BOLD #28 was what prompted MARVEL to publish The FANTASTIC FOUR #1.  Some folk even see a similarity between the cover layouts - or could it just be their over-developed sense of imagination?  What do you think, readers?  Do you see a deliberate similarity - or just a coincidental, vague resemblance?  Feel free to share!
Image copyright MARVEL COMICS

Thursday, 3 August 2017

BABE Of The DAY - GABRIELLE DRAKE...



I asked GABRIELLE DRAKE
what TV show she used to be in, and
she replied "U.F.O."  Huh!  There was
no need to be so rude, girlie - I only
 asked you a simple question.

IS ANYONE LISTENING TO THE SONG OF NATURE...?


                                            If only we could hear sweet Nature's song,
                                            and did not stride the Earth with bloody sword,
                                            our future would be happy, loud and long,
                                            and we with our surroundings in accord.

                                            Then we would see the wonder of the world,
                                            enjoy the sights and sounds of Nature's gift.
                                            Or have these joys been selflessly unfurled
                                            on those who in their thankfulness show thrift?

                                            Mankind in blind contempt does cut a trail
                                            through all the riches that this globe bestows.
                                            As Nature does protest to no avail,
                                            proud man in folly shrugs with upturned nose.

                                            The truth is that it doesn't have to be;
                                            if only blinded humankind could see.

Wednesday, 2 August 2017

THE CUTTING EDGE...



Thank goodness for eBay.  I've just managed to buy a couple of OLFA cutters (see above) that I first bought way back in the late '70s.  I've still got my original two, but as they're showing a bit of wear, I decided to get myself some new ones.  I've been looking for a few years now, but art stores had stopped stocking them, saying they'd have to buy a pack of 50 at a time, which they were reluctant to do.  I can't see them on the OLFA website so maybe they're now discontinued, but thankfully I was able to obtain them from a seller called Stationery Tech.  They've only got six left in case you're interested, so better be quick.

Tuesday, 1 August 2017

RECOGNISE THIS FELLA?

                               
                          
                                         I am the handsomest of men,
                                           the ladies look, then look again;
                                           I'm toned and fit, and tall and dark,
                                           in my blue eyes resides a spark
                                           which makes them tremble deep within
                                           and lets me turn their hearts to 'sin'.
                                           If truth be told, I'm quite a tease,
                                           but women's eagerness to please -
                                           to play the game of 'birds and bees'
                                           and do their utmost to appease
                                           my appetite for pleasures rare -
                                           lets me perform with style to spare.

                                           I am Adonis come to life,
                                           all women wish to be my wife.
                                           I conquer hearts with languid ease
                                           and watch them buckle at the knees.
                                           I laugh as their chins hit the floor
                                           whenever I pass through a door.
                                           E'en Sapphic slaves can't help but 'turn'
                                           so filled with lust for me they burn,
                                           their 'lady love' they all do spurn
                                           and nevermore will they return
                                           to their past wicked wanton ways,
                                           such is the power of my gaze.

                                           My skin is firm and tanned and smooth,
                                           my honeyed words do serve to soothe
                                           the fever in their lustful hearts,
                                           pierced by cherubic Cupid's darts.
                                           I cannot fail, I am God's gift
                                           to women who require a 'lift'
                                           to make them feel desired and young
                                           by one so manly and well-hung,
                                           who charms them with a silver tongue,
                                           whose name and fame are so far-flung -
                                           for me they'd all lay down and die...
                                           and do so with a grateful sigh.

                                           Who am I?  Why...

                                           I'm Mr. Handsome.

Monday, 31 July 2017

RECOMMENDED EATING: CHEESE & ONION PASTY...



Had a cheese & onion pasty yesterday - superb.  Where
can you get such a culinary delight you ask?  Where else but
your local GREGGS.  Rush 'round and buy one today.

BATMAN AND ROBIN ARE BACK - PLUS THE VILLAINS...

BATMAN, ROBIN & CATWOMAN copyright DC COMICS

I showed you this DVD back in December, but have only now got around to watching it.  Know what?  I really rather enjoyed it and would heartily recommend it to all fans of the '60s BATMAN TV show.  CATWOMAN is seriously sexy for an animated drawing, and there's a great moment when ADAM WEST uses the MICHAEL KEATON line "You wanna get nuts...?  Let's get nuts!" from the 1989 movie.

The only reservation I have is that Adam West does sound a bit old at times (well, he was in his 80s), but I believe that technology exists for making people sound younger (utilised in the CAPTAIN SCARLET TV ads featuring FRANCIS MATTHEWS and ED BISHOP in the early '90s) so it's a shame it wasn't used in this instance.

However, that's a minor thing, and it's simply great to hear West and Ward playing the CAPED CRUSADERS again.  And the other voice artists do a great job sounding like the villains.  Well worth having.
   

Great to see the '60s BATMAN logo again

The opening credits are great - and don't miss the end ones

ADAM and BURT spy on JULIE's bedroom (he lied)

You'll gasp at some of the positions she assumes

LEE, JULIE and EARTHA - though only Julie's voice is the original

Saturday, 29 July 2017

BABE Of The DAY - LINDA THORSON...



LINDA THORSON has a
great pair of sea legs, shipshape
and Bristol fashion.  She took the
wind right out of my sails, let me
 tell ya (figuratively, that is).

THE GAME Of LIFE (YOUNG ALBERT)...



               Young Albert was a shy-ish lad, who didn't mix too well,
                      and when he started his new school, his classmates made life hell.
                      He liked to draw, he liked to write, he liked to read, and think,
                      the others liked football and sports, so he was 'out-of-sync'.

                      His fellow pupils thought him odd, they mocked his speech, his looks;
                      he had no friends among his peers, his only friends were books.
                      But there was one to whom he dearly wished he could relate,
                      a girl he hoped to find the nerve to ask out on a date.

                      A mere three desks away from him sat lovely Lucy Brown,
                      at last the lad dared ask her out - she flatly turned him down.
                      "I don't go out with geeks or freaks," she had so cruelly said,
                      in his humiliation Albert wished that he was dead.

                      A bitter lesson Albert learned on that most fateful day,
                      the game of life is one that's sometimes very hard to play.
                      So he withdrew into himself and set his face like stone,
                      and where he walked, fate had decreed that he should walk alone.

                      In school one day, the teacher said "A poem all shall write.
                      Profundity should be your aim - avoid the bland or trite."
                      Young Albert set to work and lo, at his endeavour's end,
                      he'd far exceeded teacher's goal, a mighty work he'd penned.

                      His poem spoke of life and love, of all its hopes and fears,
                      and all who read the poignant work, could scarce hold back their tears.
                      In stately rhyme, young Albert's words had struck a common cord,
                      with phrase so keen, he proved the pen cuts deeper than the sword.

                      The poem's fame soon spread beyond the confines of the class,
                      some said his verse would wring a tear from eyes made out of glass.
                      It didn't take too long 'til it was known throughout the school,
                      They hailed it as a masterpiece, regarded it as "Cool".

                      "Best ode we've ever read," they said, "such first-class poetry.
                      It should be printed in a book, for all posterity."
                      At last a publisher was sought to set the work in print,
                     "Should write some more," their spokesman said, "you'd make yourself a mint."

                      But Albert never wrote again - he'd hit 'creator's slump'.
                      The fact was that, in truth, he was a 'spring' and not a 'pump'.
                      In that one burst of brilliance he'd said all he had to say,
                      and what he'd said could not be said in any better way.

                      Young Albert died at seventeen, struck down by some 'malaise',
                      But God, we're told, so often moves in such mysterious ways.
                      In years to come, when his school chums have fallen prey to time,
                      they'll be forgot - but Albert's name will live on through his rhyme.

Friday, 28 July 2017

ARE YOU SINGING THE OLD-AGE BLUES...?

     

                                                   Bald and toothless, growing old,
                                                   hard of hearing, bent and stooped;
                                                   my limbs won't do a thing they're told,
                                                   and in my boxers I've just pooped.  
                                                   Although I creak when I get up
                                                   and walking can be quite a grind,
                                                   and through a straw my soup I sup,
                                                   and cannot keep a thought in mind;
                                                   I try to keep stiff upper lip,
                                                   and not to let things get me down,
                                                   but there's no firmness in my grip,
                                                   and gravity gives me a frown.

                                                   Oh, curse old age and all it brings,
                                                   it doesn't come alone, it's true,
                                                   I'd need a whole new set of springs,
                                                   in order to keep up with you.
                                                   I'm past my prime and on the heap,
                                                   I've got a case of "old-age blues",
                                                   recalling my last "lover's leap",
                                                   it never would've made the news.
                                                   I never had much luck with dames,
                                                   they always went for other men,
                                                   but lust no longer now inflames
                                                   my passions past a count of ten.

                                                   I'm yellow, wrinkled, cannot see,
                                                   and fear the doctor when he calls;
                                                   I'll doubtless fail my "M.O.T.",
                                                   but must accept whate'er befalls.
                                                   When old friends die and are despatched,
                                                   it's not compassion that I lack;
                                                   from funerals I stay detached,
                                                   at my age, not worth coming back.
                                                   So pity me, my life's near done;
                                                   this battle I'm destined to lose,
                                                   and listen to my words, my son -
                                                   one day you'll sing the "old-age blues".

SOME POINTS TO PONDER...




Saw this on YouTube while looking for the DOCTOR WHO Christmas Trailer.  I offer it without comment for your consideration.  You can make up your own minds (and I'm sure you will).  Then feel free to share your thoughts on the matter with your fellow Crivvies.