INCIDENT IN ARGOS! (NO, NOT THE SHOP WITH THE SMALL BLUE PENS)...

Characters copyright CPI

You may remember me telling you about a pal, to whom I used to give loads of comics whenever I was making some space for new ones.  Occasionally, I'd regret having parted with an odd comic or two (usually when re-reading them in his house) and ask if he'd mind terribly much relinquishing them back into my possession.  I know what you're thinking - Indian-giver!  (Is that considered racist these days?)  However, it was only a handful in total, so he still came out well ahead in the long-run.

One such ish was CONAN The BARBARIAN #57 - "INCIDENT In ARGOS!"  There was just something about that wonderful MIKE PLOOG splash page that so evocatively conjured up the smell of the sea, the heat of the sun, the hustle and bustle of the busy port of Argos - sang to me, in fact, and practically transported me to that enchanted time between the sinking of ATLANTIS and the dawn of recorded history that is the legendary HYBORIAN AGE. 

I've still got that very same issue from 1975 and it still resonates with me in the exact same way even after all these years.  Being the kind and generous person I am, I thought I'd share a few pages with you here.  If you're smart, you'll get straight over to eBay and try and track down a copy of this classic issue for yourself.  Just look at that splash page again.  I swear I can almost hear the cry of the gulls swirling in the sky above, calling to me not only across the years from the '70s, but also from centuries ago when the tale is supposed to have first taken place.

Go on - grab yourself a copy as soon as you can!  And just so you know exactly what you're looking for, below is a picture of the cover in question - by GIL KANE, no less!  Excelsior, by CROM!

  

INFINITE CRISES - RESULT = INFINITE CONFUSION...

Images copyright DC COMICS

Remember CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS back in the mid-'80s?  The rationale offered for such an epic endeavour was that DC COMICS continuity had become so convoluted over the years with the EARTH I - EARTH II scenario that it was decided to simplify things.  (Or so it was claimed at the time, but we all know that the likelihood of making a pile of money from a heavily-hyped, controversial multi-part series was also a major factor.)

Simplify things.  Bear that in mind.

On a previous post, in the comments section, a reader mentioned LAR GAND.  The name didn't really ring a bell with me (unlike QUASIMODO's) so I looked it up on WIKIPEDIA.

GOOD GRIEF!  There followed many various mind-numbingly dull, complex, convoluted, contradictory histories of the character that left me none-the-bloody-wiser at the end of it all.  I almost lost the will to live halfway through.  Apparently there have been several 'retconnings' of characters and concepts from various CRISES over the years, resulting, I daresay, in few people having a clue as to exactly what's going on, or knowing just precisely who's who in DC's ever-changing, ever-perplexing comics continuity.  Which seems to happen whenever the mags require a sales-push, apparently.

I can't remember the last time I bought (or even read) a DC comic that wasn't a reprint from a time I understood what the rules were - and I doubt I'm alone in that regard.  What DC management seem to overlook is that for every supposed 'jumping-on' point they create with each new 'take' on the characters, they also create a 'jumping-off' point for those readers who are dismayed to find that they're no longer reading about the same heroes they read from childhood up through their teenage years and beyond.

I find that I'm no longer interested in DC characters - simply because they're not the same ones I'm familiar with from my earliest years.  And as for simplifying things, the only thing that all those many retrospective revisions has achieved is to muddy the waters to such an extent that it's difficult to decipher exactly what their back-stories are - or to even care, in fact.

It seems to me that things were a lot simpler back in the pre-Crisis days.  (Although if they'd stuck with the first one, I could've lived with it.)  Comics were fun to read and you didn't need a score-card (or a multi-volume encyclopaedia) to know who was who, what was what, or why things were as they are.  Oh, for the good old days.

Who's with me?   

Oh, BROTHER! SUPER LOOPY LAPSES In LOGIC DEPT STRIKES BACK!

Images copyright DC COMICS

Okay, here's the low-down.  SUPERMAN rescues a plummeting rocket ship, only to discover that its lone occupant, HALK KAR, seems to be his (previously unknown) older brother from KRYPTON.  Trouble is, he's a far weaker version of Supes and manages to get himself captured by 'WRECKER' ROSS and his gang of crooks.  Strapped to an electrical device, Halk Kar is helpless to save himself, but when the MAN Of STEEL flies to his rescue, the bad guys give him the following ultimatum.

Okay, so what's wrong with that scenario?  Simple.  If Superman can move at invisible super-speed, then he's capable of moving before the bad guys can even blink - meaning that he could rescue his 'brother' with no problem at all, and without the need to seemingly accede to the baddies' demands.  (Remember, in the SILVER AGE, Superman was as fast as The FLASH, who could circle the globe a staggering eight times in one second.)

Such illogical situations arose from Superman being too powerful to be threatened in any kind of credible way, which is why DENNY O'NEIL reduced his powers in the 'KRYPTONITE NEVERMORE' series back in 1971.  Unfortunately, after O'Neil's departure, it wasn't long before Supes was back to his previous near-godlike state - meaning that there are probably hundreds of strips (at least) which justly belong in the department of 'Loopy Lapses In Logic'.

Look for more logic-defying lapses sometime soon.

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Incidentally, this titanic tale was originally published in SUPERMAN #80 as "SUPERMAN'S BIG BROTHER!"  As well as the title change for GIANT SUPERMAN #222, some other details were revised, such as the location of Halk Kar's home planet.

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This post actually qualifies as a FAVOURITE COMICS Of The PAST entry as well, 'cause I first read the above story in Giant Superman #222, which I bought in Rothesay in 1970.  I believe I got it at the same time and from the same shop (in Port Bannatyne) that my bruv got The FLASH #190.  I also acquired GIANT BATMAN (G61) #213 on the same holiday, but in a different newsagent in Rothesay itself.  I witter on about them elsewhere on this blog.