Wednesday, 9 August 2017


In a seafood restaurant is a water tank with various forms of aquatic life, so that the customers can choose exactly which delicacy they want to eat.  Fish, eels, prawn, lobster, squid, whatever - they're all in the tank awaiting their fate as some punter's dinner.  In the corner of the tank sits a little green squid, as meek, mild and limp as all get out.  Punter comes in one day and says "I'll have that thing in the corner of the tank - and hurry it up, I'm starving!"  Gervais, the head waiter replies "Certainly sir," and uses a net to fish Squidly out of the tank.

He takes it into the kitchen, lays it on the chopping board, lifts his cleaver - and looks into the eyes of the limp, little green creature staring inoffensively up at him.  "It's no use, I can't do it," he says.  He turns around and spots Hans, the dish washer, standing over at the sink.  "Hans, I just don't know what's come over me.  Customer at table number 7 wants this squid for his lunch, but I don't have the heart to kill it.  Will you do it for me?"

"Sure thing," says Hans, walking over to the chopping board and picking up the cleaver.  Little Squidly sits limply staring up at him, and Han's resolve crumbles.  "Nah, I can't do it either," he says to Gervais, not quite understanding why he can't kill the little thing.  However, I know the reason, and am about to tell you now.

For Hans that does dishes is as soft as Gervais, with mild, green, fairly limp squid.


(If you're British and know the old Fairy Liquid ad, you should find that funny.  If not, you'll be scratching your head.)     

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