The VALLEY - A FIREBALL XL5 ADVENTURE...

Copyright relevant owner

From the pages of the FIREBALL XL5 Annual, copyright dated 1966, comes a nice little tale for your enjoyment.  This was the last of four Annuals published by COLLINS, and each of them is considered a collectors' item classic which would set you back a pretty penny these days.  And guess what, Crivs?  I've got all four of them.  Nnyaaahhh!

BORN FREE - MATT MONRO...

Here's that old London Bus driver with the

amazing voice singing one of his best known hits.

Ladies and gentlemen - MATT MONRO.

BABE Of The DAY - HOLLY VALANCE...

Dunno what HOLLY VALANCE

did after working in NEIGHBOURS,

but I sure wish she was a neighbour of

mine and I bet you do, too.  (Wish she

 was a neighbour of yours, that is.)

COME INTO THE GARDEN(S), MAUD - PART ONE...

A couple or so months back, me and my old pal MOONMANDO took a wee jaunt along to Glasgow's BOTANIC GARDENS for a look around.  I did ask if you Criv-ites would like to see the photos, but there were no bites.  However, knowing that you're a shy, retiring bunch who don't want to appear too greedy, I've decided to inflict them on share them with you anyway.

DOCTOR WHO - LISTEN...

Copyright BBC TV

Last night's episode of DOCTOR WHO showed some signs of being a return to form for STEVEN MOFFAT.  When I first saw that he'd written the story my heart sank, because, although he authored some of the better episodes under RUSSELL T. DAVIES, the ones penned under his own tenure have been pretty naff and his name usually ensures that some mincing, farcical, over-the-top BLACKADDER-type tomfoolery is in store.

Last night, however, there was tension, suspense, drama, with not quite so much comedy as before - at least for the first half hour or so.  Then it all collapsed to reveal yet another self-indulgent piece of geekery which tied CLARA into the Doctor's childhood in yet another self-referencing, too interested in its own history, look how clever we're being, up its own @rse narcissism.

Also, it's yet another of those stories that creates all kinds of paradoxes.  If the contemporary Clara influenced The Doctor when he was a child (a crying, snivelling, frightened - and let's be honest - irritating one at that) into growing up into the person he is today, then how could he be that person when she first met him?  It's meant to be clever, you see, but it just comes across as another poorly thought out-details don't matter-it's the effect that counts type of meandering yarn that Moffat is now so infamous for.

I couldn't help but feel that the Doctor was being given some kind of quasi-religious back story with this tale, with his childhood self sleeping in a barn and growing up to become the 'saviour' of the universe.  Started well, but degenerated into the usual disappointing geek-fest that the show needs to shrug off if it wants to still be around in another fifty years.

Agree?  Disagree?  Don't care a fig?  Go on - tell us all how you feel!

"The ENEMY Of EARTH!" FAVOURITE COMICS Of The PAST - PART THIRTY-ONE...

Images copyright DC COMICS

Funny how the memory starts to go as one gets older.  Things that were once remembered with certainty become clouded with doubt, and other options start to suggest themselves as alternate possibilities.  Case in point: As detailed in a recent post, I recall buying SUPERMAN #238 in 1972 and retiring to a local cafeteria to read it.  (For details, see part 30 in this 'favourite comics' series.)

However, I also recall buying, from the same newsagent's, issue #237 perhaps a week or so either side of its companion (comics sometimes went on sale out of sequence in this country, so I could've bought the later mag first) and also availing myself of the cool confines of the same cafeteria.  On one of those occasions a girl from my class in school tried to engage me in conversation at my table, but I beat a hasty retreat, not really being the slightest bit interested in available schoolgirls of my own age.  (Unattainable screen goddesses were more my thing.)

So here's my problem (if only they were all so easy).  Because of the similar circumstances in which I purchased these two mags, I'm no longer 100% sure which one I had on the day I got a free COKE from a guy with his family at the next table.  (The same day as in the above paragraph.)  As I said before, the cover of #238 fits the memory perfectly, but I also tend to associate the contents of #237 with the event.  Actually, not even that's strictly true; the covers and contents of both issues fit the recollection - both vying for supremacy at different times.

So, I've decided to give that other issue equal time, just in case it was the actual comic in question relating to the anecdote with which I previously regaled you in an earlier post.  That way, I'm not denying it its rightful moment in the spotlight, nor refusing it the association it deserves in my memory banks (should such actually be the case).  Perhaps one day I'll have a "Eureka!" like moment and suddenly recall with startling clarity exactly which of the two mags was the one involved, but, for the present, you and I get the best of both possible worlds.

So enjoy a few select pages from this classic issue - I hope your memories and associations of it are crystal clear.

    

This page and the next:  I still recall how thrilling I found this sequence when I first read
it in '72.  I even knew what the 'single bound' reference alluded to in Superman's history.
Classic storytelling at its very best!

And guess what?  After browsing through the issue to choose the pages for scanning, my memory has been somewhat refreshed: I'm now pretty sure that it was this issue I had on the day I got a free Coke and was 'accosted' by the girl from school.  Because of the erratic distribution system, I can't say whether I bought the mags in sequence or not, or how far apart, time-wise, they were purchased.  It seems like it was about a week or so, but it could have been weeks or perhaps even just days.  Never had this trouble with British weeklies.

BABE Of The DAY - HONOR BLACKMAN...

Here's a publicity photo of 'eavenly HONOR

BLACKMAN as PUSSY GALORE.  You're all on

your, er... 'honour' not to snigger now, hear?

MEDITATIONS On BEGINNINGS & ENDINGS...

It may come as no surprise to any of you, but from a very early age I was much given to looking back on the past.  My remembered past, obviously, as I wasn't interested in or capable of reminiscing about events which pre-dated either myself or my ability to recall them.  When, aged five, I moved from one house to another just a few short minutes away, I made it a point to return to my previous street on a regular basis so I could re-experience the nearby woods in which I'd once played and again take in the expansive view from the top of the hill.

Over the years (and houses and neighbourhoods), I always found it comforting to return to the places of my youth and reconnect with them from time to time, and for almost the first three decades of my life, most of these hallowed haunts remained essentially unchanged.  Each time, the experience was akin to the hushed awe and reverential atmosphere so exquisitely described in The PIPER At The GATES Of DAWN chapter in Scottish-born author KENNETH GRAHAME's beautiful book, The WIND In The WILLOWS, first published in 1908.

It was almost like returning to the dawn of creation, when everything must have seemed magical and mystical, and from which every living thing derives its strength and power.  Revisiting the environs of my early childhood recharged and revitalised me in some way, but it also somehow made events from even only a few years before seem like a far-distant era - at the exact same time as making them, paradoxically, closer than a lover's kiss.  I suppose, to a seven year old, three years is more than half one's remembered life, and perhaps half one's life seems just as long or as short at any age.  Does that make any sense?

   

Then things started to change.  First it was lampposts being supplanted by newer, thinner models, placed on the inside of the pavements instead of at the kerbs.  Then it was the paving stones, replaced with tarmacadam, dark and dismal in the gloom of the night.  Next, it was building on fields and green areas, and the removal of swing-parks, resulting in open, spacious, well-planned neighbourhoods being transformed into crowded, claustrophobic, concrete ghettoes.

Earlier this evening I decided to retrace a certain route to my first primary school.  Sometimes, as children, we'd take a detour into a swing-park and then through some woods which led to the school.  The swing-park is an empty space and the trees were cut down some years ago, the fallen giants now littering the overgrown trail they once used to shade.  On previous occasions over the years, visiting the area was like a pleasant journey into yesterday and a salve to my soul.  That these places could always be relied upon for the same simple welcome seemed like one of life's unchanging truths, but, alas, that is no longer the case.

I'd always thought, in my declining years, the locales of my boyhood would still exist and I'd be able to revisit them one last time, and find solace in the fact these spots would yet be around for future generations to enjoy similar experiences to my own.  I'm now only too well aware when my final bedtime comes, sadly, that won't be the case.  The only hope left to me is, should I awaken on 'the other side', I'll find all those familiar places waiting to greet me and welcome me home.

Night has fallen and the daylight seems a long way off.  Is that my name I faintly hear, carried on the whisper of the evening breeze? 

BABE Of The DAY - URSULA UNDRESS, Oops, ANDRESS...

Thought by many to be the ultimate

BOND GIRL, blonde beauty URSULA

ANDRESS certainly set the standard.  But

how many who came after measured up to

her?  Feel free to make suggestions in our

ever-hungry comments section.

PART FOUR OF TOPPS 1966 BATMAN CARDS...

Images copyright DC COMICS & TOPPS

Those who've commented on this sizzlin' series so far have all been in favour of seeing more cards, but to be honest, they don't seem to have caught on with the majority of all you cavortin' Criv-ites.  These TOPPS BATMAN cards from 1966 are highly sought-after collectors' items, and were reissued in a deluxe set in '89 (from which these scans come), so chances are that if you had them back in the '60s (or '80s), you'll enjoy seeing them again.  Just one thing though - let me know if you do, will you, so that I'm not wasting my time scanning them for an ever-diminishing, uninterested audience.  Good lads. 

"MENACE At 1000 DEGREES!" PART THIRTY Of FAVOURITE COMICS Of The PAST...

Images copyright DC COMICS

'Twas a warm sunny afternoon in 1972, perhaps in July (in which case, it could've been during the school holidays, though possibly a weekend), that I purchased the above comic mag in one of my local R.S. McCOLL's.  I'd already read the start, finish, and several in-between issues of the KRYPTONITE NEVERMORE/SAND BEING saga a few months before, but not this particular one.  Comics distribution in the U.K. was hardly an exact science back then, resulting in them not always being sold in sequence or even in the year of issue.

The way I remember it now, all these years later, I'd gone into the NORFOLK RESTAURANT (just along from the newsagent's) to blag a seat and read my comic, but a guy at the next table with his wife and daughter, upon hearing that the upstairs bar had just opened, asked me if I wanted his cup of COKE, which he hadn't yet touched.  Never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, I gratefully accepted his kind offer, as he deserted his family and headed upstairs in the direction of a cool pint.

I'd finished my drink and was still perusing my comic, when a girl in my class at school sat down in front of me and declared "Oh, Superman!" (the comic, not me) and looked for all the world as if she was going to lift it from the table and pore through it.  I was having none of it, so I lifted the issue post haste and made a swift exit.  Besides, this girl had never spoken to me before, so, aside from me being devastatingly attractive to the opposite sex (he said, with a straight face), I couldn't quite figure her sudden familiarity.

Now, here's where things suddenly become a little fuzzy.  I definitely associate the cover with the above events, but, equally, also the contents from the previous issue.  How can this be?  I assume I bought #237 & 238 not too far apart, and must've repaired to the Norfolk on each occasion, resulting in both sets of similar memories becoming entwined in my mind.  I was a creature of habit and frequented the Norfolk Restaurant (which was really only a cafeteria) regularly, so it seems the most likely explanation.

However, none of that need concern you.  Your pleasant  task is merely to appreciate the stunning SWANDERSON art and lose yourself in your own recollections of this classic issue.  If only comics were as good as this today, eh?

  

BABE Of The DAY - ALEXIS SMITH...

While I continue to recover

from a minor illness, here's a pretty

face to keep your pulses racing - the

awesome ALEXIS SMITH.  (Ta

to DSE for identifying her.)

5 - 4 -3 - 2 - 1 - THUNDERBIRDS INTRO...

Relive the happy days of your youth by watching the

introduction to the very first episode of THUNDER-

BIRDS.  Go on, you'll feel better for it.  F.A.B.

BABE Of The DAY - ADRIENNE BARBEAU...

Appeared in SWAMP THING

and loads of other films that I've never

seen and probably never even heard of,

but ain't she a babe!  It's the stunning

ADRIENNE BARBEAU.

STANDY BY FOR ACTION - STINGRAY INTRO...

Right, action lovers - here's the intro

to GERRY ANDERSON's 1964 TV show,

STINGRAY.  The explosion at the start was

later re-shot in colour, but here's the very

 first version to set your pulses racing.

BABE Of The DAY - SHARON STONE...

SHARON STONE!  Apparently,

she's got a far higher than average IQ.  If

so, why hasn't she been smart enough to

 call and ask me out on a date yet?

CRIVENS! CRIKEY! BLIMEY! JINKSY JILL & HANDSOME BILL COMIC STRIP RESULTS...

First of all, I'd like to thank everyone who supplied a script idea, and hope they'll all forgive me for not choosing any of them.  I simply had to go with one I suggested (stole it from somewhere) because I find the word 'bum' funny.  I also hope it won't deter you from joining in these comps in the future.

CJ's two ideas were probably the best, so I'll award him a consolation prize.  If you send me your address, CJ (don't worry, I won't publish it), I'll send you a facsimile of BADTIME BEDTIME STORYBOOK #1 in about a week or so.

Incidentally, I produced the whole strip with a UNI-BALL eye needle micro pen with a fine point, with the exception of the words 'Jinksy' and 'Handsome', which I did with a BEROL black colour pen.  All my drawing and lettering pens are lying in a state of neglect and I couldn't be bothered cleaning them for use.

Maybe I'll even colour it up one day - stay tuned.  (Oh, and look - here it is!  Comments welcome!)

ROY THOMAS On CONAN The BARBARIAN...

Like CONAN THE BARBARIAN?  Then you're

bound to enjoy listening to ROY THOMAS talk about

ROBERT E. HOWARD's Cimmerian hero's MARVEL

comicbook adventures.  (A link to part two appears at

 the end of the clip if you'd like to see that as well.)

BABE Of The DAY - RIHANNA...

To be honest, I don't think I've

ever heard any of her music - or if I

have, I don't remember it - but she's

 certainly a babe.  RIHANNA.

JINKSY JILL & HANDSOME BILL - COMPETITION...

A few years ago, during an idle moment, I drew a few roughs of a comic strip I thought might be fun to do.  I soon lost interest and the idea has since languished in limbo.  Recently however, I drew one of them to a fairly decent standard (though it still needs a polish), but decided to leave out the original dialogue, which I'd originally just made up as I went along.  The original rough is below so that you can compare with the (almost) finished strip.

So, here's where you Criv-ites come in.  See if you can come up with some funny (but clean) dialogue for the pictures you see before you, and I'll letter the best submission and publish it here on the blog.  Not much of a prize, I grant you, but it's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.  Thinking caps on now!

(And if you'd like to see the other roughs, click here.)

And below is the finished strip after lettering and colouring.

BLIMEY! The THING Is BIG BEN COVER & IMAGE GALLERY - PART FIVE...

Images copyright MARVEL COMICS

As I trot tantalisingly about town spreading joy and happiness amongst my fellow Caledonians (by virtue of my fair and friendly countenance and beaming disposition), I still sometimes can't help but wonder if I do enough to alleviate all the pain and suffering in this wide world and whether it might just be possible to do more.  Then I remember this bombastic blog and realise what a herculean effort I put into making this planet a far better place, and feel foolish for doubting my awesome altruism.  In fact, I get so embarrassed about being such a wonderful person, that I very often feel like punching an orphan just to attain some kind of balance in my everyday life.

Anyway, enough of the problems of veritable sainthood - you're not concerned with such minor matters, I'm sure.  Instead, let's focus on the final four issues of MARVEL U.K.'s weekly periodical from the mid-'80s, The THING Is BIG BEN, which shuffled off this mortal coil with its 18th issue.  I've also included the Summer Special to complete the collection, as I just can't help but give, give, give!  ('Scuse me while I polish my halo.)

So, all you cavortin' Criv-ites, I've done my part, 'tis now time for you to do yours - by savouring the varied visuals which I've laid out before you.  Should you then wish to leave a comment thanking me for my genial generosity and bountiful benevolence, I'll read them with my customary modesty at what a super human being I happen to be.  Although, it's hard to be humble when you're as magnificent as I am, as I'm sure you can all appreciate.