(BOND) BABE Of The DAY - TERI HATCHER...

Now I see what SUPERMAN

saw in LOIS LANE - and I don't

need x-ray vision.  Crivs, I present

 to you - TERI HATCHER!

SPOT The DIFFERENCE - SUPERMAN #1...

Images copyright DC COMICS

You're looking at the front and back cover of an original SUPERMAN #1 - not a replica, reprint, or facsimile ish.  That's exactly how it appeared in 1939.  The bottom two pics are from a 1999 reprint by CHRONICLE BOOKS (by arrangement with DC COMICS), the same dimensions as the original.

Below are the covers side-by-side for a quick and easy direct comparison.  Click to enlarge, then click again for optimum size for a more detailed study.

 

CHILDHOOD CAPERS - CHAPTER ONE...

Image copyright DC COMICS

It was around 1970/'71, and myself and two pals were leaning on a railing outside a row of apartments above the neighbourhood shops.  Passing below were three thuggish, slightly older females who hung around with the local neds.   They glared up at us.  "Whit ur you f*ckin' lookin' at?" they trilled in their delicate, girlish way (sarcasm).  "Dunno - the label's fallen off!" I yelled back.  The gauntlet had been thrown down, and the trio of nasty nedettes responded by mounting the stairway, their Doc Martins pounding the steps in pursuit of ourselves.

I say 'pursuit' because the moment I opened my gob, the other two legged it and I followed.  These girls were bigger and older than us, and as hard as nails.  Having been brought up never to hit a 'girl', we'd have been at a distinct disadvantage trying to defend ourselves against the furious assault that was surely forthcoming.  We fled past the front of the apartments towards the door to the interior stairway which led down to the shops below.

We reached the bottom door with a sigh of relief.  Once we were through that exit, our safety was secure and an inglorious fate would be avoided.  Alas, 'twas not to be - the door was locked, being early evening, and that avenue to freedom was denied us.  We considered going back up the stairs to the first floor offices above the shops and below the apartments, and using the corridor leading to the library to make our escape.  Too late!  We heard the 'girls' on the steps and realized discovery was imminent.  What to do?

Then I had a brainwave!  The bottom flight of stairs wasn't closed off, allowing us to seek shelter under them, so I beckoned my comrades to conceal themselves as I did likewise.  We bunched together tightly, as the merest glance under the stairway would've revealed our presence, and tried hard not to make a noise.  The nedettes pushed and pulled at the locked door, then grunted in frustrated rage.  "They must've got out on the first floor!" one snorted.  We expected them to return to the upper levels again, but they plonked themselves down on the steps above us and each lit up a cigarette.

We moved not a muscle and feared even to breathe, lest we betray ourselves.  After a seeming eternity (but was actually only a couple of minutes or so), they ascended the stairs and made their exit, amidst much muttering and detailed descriptions of what damage they'd inflict if they saw us.  We stayed rigid for a few moments longer, but once their voices were no longer audible, we exhaled a collective sigh of relief.  What a narrow escape and we knew it.  I can't recall any other moment in my life when I felt more alive, every sense attuned to my surroundings, and I'm sure my two friends felt the same.  (I wonder if they even remember it now?)

Even today, I think back to that moment and recall how I felt at the time; the excitement, the exhilaration, the fear, and, of course, the sheer relief and gratitude at having survived a precarious predicament unscathed.  It was like something from a 3 Investigators book or a Mission Impossible episode - a truly thrilling moment that lives on forever in my mind, and reminds me that, once, my life was more than the uneventful series of events it is now.  I felt like James Bond, even though, at that time, I'd not yet seen a Bond film.  However, I knew that anyone who had a real car like my Corgi Toys Aston Martin must be a cool guy in the face of danger - much like myself, in fact (he said, modestly), as the tale I've just related surely testifies.

Okay, so, technically, we ran away from three girls - but only because we didn't want to have to hurt them.  (Well, that's my story and I'm darn well sticking to it.  Wanna argue?)

Ever been in a similar situation?  Then let's hear all about it in the comments section, o cool Criv-ites.  Spill the beans!

THE ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN COVER GALLERY - PART THREE...

Images copyright DC COMICS

Another half dozen covers in JERRY ORDWAY's The ADVENTURES Of SUPERMAN series from the late 1980s for you to thrill over, comic fans.  The cover of #440 is pencilled by DAVE GIBBONS and inked by Jerry, and is very nice indeed.  I plan on showcasing the other Superman titles from around the same period at some stage, so hopefully that's something for you all to look forward to.  Meanwhile, though, enjoy the ones currently on display for your viewing pleasure.

Any favourites?  Then shout them from the rooftops in our comments section.  You all know the drill by now.

KID KLASSICS - THE TRUE-LIFE TALE OF NICKY HUNT...

Me in Saint Andrew's Road in Southsea, Portsmouth, 1978

Reading about 'underground' cartoonist LEE JAMES TURNOCK's comic strip character, NICKY HUNT, reminded me of a real-life inveterate 'fantasist' (by which I mean liar) who used to pal about with me from 1965 until he joined the Navy shortly after his dad died in 1977.  We remained friends until 1981, when I concluded that he obviously had mental health issues and finally severed all ties with him.

I last saw him in Gosport near the end of April '81 when I was living nearby, and it was then I realized he was no longer the person I thought he was - if indeed he ever had been.  This man simply couldn't open his gob without a monumental, unbelievable 'porky-pie' popping out.  For example, even before he joined the Navy he used to wear an over-sized diver's watch, and when a friend (RONNIE ROSS, now sadly deceased) asked him what it was, he replied that it was an atomic power-pack for his bionic arm.  (This was around '76/'77, when the SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN was still on TV.)

Had it been an 'off-the-cuff' remark intended as a joke, that would've been fine.  However, in between starting and finishing the sentence, he'd somehow managed to convince himself it was true and fully expected to be believed.  Another example (on a flying visit to our house in December of 1980) came when my father asked him if he had any kids yet.  (He'd got wed in Portsmouth Register Office two years before, and I'd been best man.)  "No," he said, "I caught an infection from a toilet seat and they had to cut my tubes.  They operated through my back passage so as not to leave a scar."

To the best of my knowledge, medical experts say catching an infection (at least, of the kind which affects internal organs) from a toilet seat is so unlikely as to be practically impossible.  However, why the bit about back-door surgery then?  It's unlikely that anyone would ask to see his scar so why say that if it wasn't true?  Then I realized - as a Navy man, he shared showers and quarters with others, so he'd need a 'cover-story' to explain his obvious scar-free condition when he first told his bizarre tale.  A normal person would simply have said he didn't want kids until he left the Navy, not produced a fantastic fable defying accepted medical facts.  Not so 'BILLY LIAR'.

His lying was no recent development, but stretched all the way back to childhood, as this 1966/'67 account illustrates.  One morning in the school playground, myself, 'Billy Liar' and a fellow called ROBIN GOLDIE were standing in line, waiting for the bell to ring to gain access to the building.  Robin was holding an ACTION MAN and opened the jacket to show us AM's dog-tag.  Action Man (or GI JOE to U.S. readers) had a rather 'stylised' musculature with a bit of a gap between his pecs.  My brother owned a TOMMY GUNN action-figure with a more realistic physique, so I remarked on how odd Action Man's torso was by comparison.  "That was his sister who did that - she's got really sharp nails!" volunteered 'Billy', ignoring the fact that Robin's sister would've had to be SUPERGIRL to make a dent in such hard plastic.

Regular readers may recall a previous post in which I mentioned a pupil who came into school one morning with a tracing of RUMPELSTILTSKIN (from a class reading book) on a piece of IZAL toilet paper, claiming he'd drawn it the night before.  (Though when the sheet was placed over the book illustration and the fraud exposed, he then said it was the work of his sister.)  Yes, you've guessed it - it was the very same guy.

For almost as long as I'd known him he'd been plagued by cartilage problems in one of his knees.  This meant that not long after joining the Navy it was discovered that he wasn't fit for active duty.  So he was given a choice - either leave the Navy or take up a 'landlubber' position at Haslar Hospital in Gosport.  (He invented a tale which attributed his long-term problem to getting his knee caught between two practice mines while on a training exercise.)  According to him his new job was that of 'medical assistant' (or 'nurse' as he also put it), but - sceptic that I am - it wouldn't surprise me if he was a hospital porter.  Not for long though, as two or three years later he was back in civvy-street.

In 1981 I'd returned to Portsmouth - at his invitation - only to find that he steered clear of me and never came to visit - apart from one time when I saw him on his moped coming from the direction of my bed-sit while I was returning from the shops.  I hailed him, but he stopped for only just long enough to tell me he'd no time to talk - then he was off again.  He was only about two minutes away from my place and two minutes away from his base (by bike), so I wondered why he'd gone out of his way if he'd no intention of stopping.  When I got back, my land-lady revealed to me he'd only been checking-up to see whether I'd returned to Scotland yet.

Me in my room in Boulton Road, Southsea, 1981.
Yes, I know - it looks like a Crimewatch photo

Obviously he was worried that the longer I was around, the greater the chance I'd eventually meet some of his newer friends and perhaps inadvertently blow the gaff about some of the 'tall tales' he'd spun.  After all, this was a guy who, with crash helmet tucked under his arm, used to visit bars bikers hung out in - even before he had a motorbike.  (No joking.)  

Months later, when I finally returned home, my father told me that while I was in Portsmouth, 'Billy' had 'phoned one night with a curious request.  "Mr. Robson, I was in a bar the other night having a drink, and I told a guy I was talking to I'm a Lieutenant Colonel in the Royal Navy."  (This was when he was working in Gosport's Haslar Hospital.)  "He didn't believe me, so I gave him your number and told him to 'phone you and you'd confirm it.  If he does call, could you back me up?"  Naturally, my father told him not to be so daft.  "Go on - a favour for a favour" pleaded the deluded 'Billy'.  My father enquired what he meant.  "I visited Gordon the other day and it cost me money for petrol for my bike," quoth Mr. Mental, referring to his lightning-quick dash to check whether I was still around.  When I heard this, I gave my parents strict instructions that, should 'Billy' ever 'phone, I was out - even if I was in.

About six or seven years later, the 'phone (then in the hallway) rang and the answer-machine clicked on. As I stood at the top of the stairs to hear who it was - a Detective Inspector someone (couldn't make out the name) wanting to talk to me.  I went downstairs and picked up the 'phone - "Hello, who's this?" I said.  "What's the matter, don't you recognize an old friend?"  The voice had changed, being that strange hybrid accent many 'Jocks' acquire from spending years down south, so at first I couldn't identify it.  Then the penny dropped and I hung up without replying.  The 'phone rang again and his voice from the speaker said "I'll use my warrant card if that's what it takes to talk to you!"  Poor, deluded fool.  He was never in the police - I checked, even though it was a racing cert he wasn't.

It seems that leopards can't change their spots.  Egged on by a pal who'd also known 'Billy' we both looked at his Facebook page about a year ago.  According to him he's a Falklands war veteran who was fast-tracked through the ranks of the Royal Navy, is thinking of taking a course in astro-physics (or something equally far-fetched, was taught to cook by both GORDON RAMSAY and JAMIE OLIVER (or two other equally famous TV chefs), has hacked into NASA satellites to take photographs of outer space (with a clearly nicked pic from the Internet), had a successful career as a world-class photographer (though his webpage is conspicuously absent of any evidence which would indicate it), and is a personal buddy of BILLY CONNOLLY and folk-singer RALPH McTELL, who he claims to have known since the age of twelve.  Oh, and he learned to scuba-dive at the age of nine.  (Which was all news to me - and I've known him from when he was six.

Right, altogether now - "JACKANORY, JACKANORY, JACKANORY".  Needless to say, we both fell about laughing at this catalogue of absurdity.  Unfortunately though, there was a sad side to his inability to grasp reality, and let me wind up this overlong reminiscence by revealing what that was.

As I previously said, I was best man at this fantasy merchant's wedding in 1978, but I had gone down to Portsmouth a few days in advance of the 'big day'.  The morning before the ceremony, while he was out somewhere, his fiancee broke down in tears and confessed to me she was now having severe doubts about going through with it.  Her brother and her friends considered him a complete weirdo and had expressed concern over his alarming propensity to tell the most outrageous lies at the drop of a hat.  What was I to do?  What I should've done was tell her I didn't think he was mature enough to get married and had been telling porkies for as long as I'd known him so was therefore unlikely to change.

However, I was faced with a dilemma.  If she called off the wedding as a result of anything I said, I'd then be the bad guy.  I knew he'd continue to pursue her and woo her after I'd gone home, and probably persuade her (against her better judgement) into marrying him, and I'd then be excluded from the celebrations and most likely be a pal short as a result.  So I chickened out, telling her that I'd have a very serious talk with him and explain all his lies had to stop; that he was about to embark on a wonderful new chapter in his life which he should take extremely seriously and stop embarrassing both himself and his beloved with his absurd fabrications and fantasies.  So I did - at great length and in excruciating detail (as is my wont).  At the conclusion of my sonorous oration he soberly assured me he was 'indeed an altered Toad'.

He was lying of course.

On the day of the wedding, when the registrar asked her if she took this man as her lawful wedded husband, there was a long, long pause.  Then, with tears streaming down her face, she hesitantly said "I do" and thereby made one of the worst decisions of her life.  A decision I could probably have prevented - and to this day am filled with regret I didn't at least try to.  The marriage lasted a couple of years or so and the poor woman went through hell.  I hope she's happy now and, should she ever get to read this, can forgive me for my inaction.  I last saw her around August or September 1980 when they were both up on a brief visit.

So there you have it.  Trust me, Nicky Hunt's nowhere near as bad as the guy I've just been telling you about.  He's certainly a lot funnier though. 

CORGI BATMOBILE MARK 2...

Back in the 1990s, CORGI wanted to reissue their famous diecast model of the 1966 TV BATMOBILE.  Trouble was, there was a copyright quagmire surrounding the car which meant that their plans were thwarted.  Eventually, they decided to go with the '60s comicbook version, which had sort of developed from the TV car when the artists grew either fed up or too lazy trying to capture designer GEORGE BARRIS's classic chassis.

Thus evolved the comicbook version, which, from the front, bore a startling similarity to the TV incarnation.  In a nod to the '60s toy, Corgi gave their 'new' Batmobile a chain cutter, and a similar outline of Batman's figure adorned the base of the car.  To be frank, the overall result didn't have the same visual impact, being too simplified a version of Barris's original design.

The paint job had a speckly effect, rather than the deep, rich, gloss black of the '60s car, which further cheapened the look of the model.  It was a brave attempt by Corgi, but it failed to set the world of diecast toys on fire in the way that the '60s car had done.  The addition of a ROBIN figure would've given the model a much needed splash of colour, but, alas, production expense had to be taken into account and it was not to be.  (Although I hear that a 'special edition' model with a Robin figure was later made available.  Anyone ever seen it?)

Corgi released a series of Batman-related cars at this time, but as nice as some of them undoubtedly were, nothing came close to matching the beauty and wonder of the '66 classic.

   

TOYBOX TREASURES Of The PAST: CORGI CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG... (Updated)

CORGI, the famous diecast model company (now owned by HORNBY), has issued CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG three times over the years.  The first occasion was in 1968, and you can see the original car above and below.  (The car is original, but the box and base are spare ones issued with the next release.)

The car was reissued as a collectors' piece in 1991, and that's the very chappie in the next two pictures.  Cast mainly from the original moulds, the figures were newly tooled, as was the dashboard, which was slightly different, but unless you had an original with which to compare, you'd probably have been none the wiser. 

Next up (below) is the most recent version from back in 2005.  The handbrake which released the (unpainted) wings was omitted, the wings were pulled out manually, and the front and rear wings were conspicuous by their absence.  The car included only Professor POTTS this time around, and though still a nice model, it's not quite in the same league as the original.

Anyone got any memories of having the original car back in the '60s?  Feel free to share them in the comments section.

******

Update: Below is the 50th Anniversary reissue from 2018, which I believe is still available from the Corgi website.  (At least, it was when last I looked.)  There are a few differences from the original, in that this version doesn't have jewelled headlights and the bonnet strap is printed on, not an actual plastic one.  Also, I think the base is plastic instead of diecast metal, but it's still quite an impressive model.  And the side wings pop-out when the handbrake is pushed, just like the original.  A nice addition to have.

RECOMMENDED READING: MARVEL EPIC COLLECTIONS...

Images copyright MARVEL COMICS

Has the cover to The AMAZING SPIDER-MAN Annual #1 ever looked so good, MARVEL maniacs?  A superb colouring job, no shadow of a doubt.  I'm advised by those who should know that softcover MASTERWORKS editions are no more, but relax, the hardcover volumes will still be published on a regular basis.

They've been replaced by these extremely excellent EPIC COLLECTION volumes, which feature just under 20 early Marvel classics in each full-colour tome.  I've got three of them so far (but I ain't stopping there) - SPIDER-MAN, FANTASTIC FOUR, and FRANKENSTEIN, and I heartily recommend them to all Criv-ites.  Go on, treat yourself to one (or all) of these bombastic books as soon as you can - they're EPIC!  Available now!

 

Okay, technically speaking, it's not one of the EPIC COLLECTION editions - but
   it is 'epic', and it is a 'collection', so that's good enough for me, frantic ones  

LION & THUNDER HOLIDAY SPECIALS...

Copyright REBELLION

Lasting for only 22 issues, THUNDER comic extended its lifespan by merging with LION for 161 weekly numbers, as well as having three solo Annuals, plus three (combined) Lion & Thunder Holiday Specials.  For those who haven't seen them before, I now generously present all three covers of the Specials for your personal pleasure.  Ain't they luverly?  I may show some of the contents at a later date.

BABE Of The DAY - LEE MERIWETHER...

If ever there was a face you could fall in love with

on first sight, it's surely this one.  Isn't she absolutely

stunning?!  LEE MERIWETHER just oozes raw sex

appeal.  A bit like myself, actually.  (Oi, watch it!  Any

more laughing and you'll be asked to leave.)

MATTEL HOTWHEELS ELITE BATMOBILE - WITH BATMAN & ROBIN...

A few years back, MATTEL released a 1:18 scale diecast BATMOBILE, with opening doors, bonnet and boot.  At almost 12 inches long, it was an absolute belter of a collectable - so I bought two of them.  The only way it could be better, I thought, would be to have BATMAN & ROBIN as well.

  

Well, someone at Mattel must've read my mind, because recently, the model was re-released, but this time with the DYNAMIC DUO neatly seated in their appointed places.  Wotta stoater of a car, so I bought one.  Here are some photos to let you see what you're missing, and to give you an idea of what to treat yourself to this coming Christmas.  Not long now, you know. 

It should come as no surprise to most of you that, being a certified genius (well, I'm certainly certified - but the 'genius' part might well be an exaggeration), I know precisely what some of you may be thinking.  "They look like 'official' photos, not ones you've taken!"  And you're right - but aren't they nice?  "Well, how do we know for sure that you actually purchased one then, and aren't just fibbing about it?"  I knew you'd ask that!  (Yes, I really am that clever.)  So below are some photos of my car.