KID KLASSICS: CHARITY BEGINS... WHERE, EXACTLY...?

Have you ever encountered such startling levels of stupidity as to make you want to wring your hands in sheer frustration and despair - or even the necks of po-faced, petty perpetrators of moronic madness on a massively-monumental scale?  (Yes, I know "massively" is redundant in that sentence, but I'm waxing lyrical.)  Here is such a tale.

So, I'm walking past a charity shop in the main shopping centre of my town when I see a teddy bear through the glass frontage and decide to buy it for someone I know.  I ask inside and am told it's not for sale - it's a display item only.  At the back of the shop are various other teddies of diverse shapes and sizes sitting on a low shelf, which are for sale. "Can't you sell me the teddy I want and replace it with one of the others?" I enquire.  In short, "No!"

"Why not?" I ask politely.  "Because it's for display only, not for sale!" comes the reply.  The shop's most expensive teddy is only £3, so I offer them a tenner for the one I want.  "It's not for sale!"  I'm told again.  "But can't you use one of the other bears for display?" I again venture. "No!" I'm told.

 

I'll give you the abridged version of events, otherwise we'll be here all week.  In short, over the course of several days, I speak to assistant managers, managers, supervisors at head office, blah, blah, blah, and ask why it's so bloody difficult to purchase a teddy from them and swell their coffers by a tenner - more than three times the amount they're asking for one of Ted's even bigger-sized pals.  This is what I'm told:

1) "Our staff aren't trained to rearrange the displays."  (Can you believe this cr*p?  Not trained to take one ted from a shelf at the back of the shop and swap it for one near the front?  Gimme a break.)

 

2) "We want our displays to look their very best to entice people into the shop."  (Fine, but what's the point of enticing them in if you're then going to refuse to sell them the very item that caught their attention and which they want to buy?  Isn't the raison d'etre of the charity to raise money?)

3) "Our staff are too busy to accommodate individual customer requests."  (I pass this shop practically every day.  It's in a remote corner of the shopping centre and as quiet as the tomb.  I don't think I've ever seen more than two customers in the place since it opened last year, and the staff sit around looking bored for most of the time.)

4) "It's our policy.  If we make an exception for you, we'd have to do it for everyone."  (Well, then it wouldn't be an exception, would it?  But we'll let that loopy lapse in logic pass.)  I thought it was their policy to raise money for charity, by selling items that people donate for that very purpose - not to try and win the 'window display of the year' award and deter folks from spending cash by refusing to take it from them in exchange for that which they wish to purchase.)

 

 

I'm on my soapbox now, but consider the absurdity of the situation.  They're turning money away, instead of grabbing it and saying:  "Thanks very much, do call again!"  Their mission should be to sell everything they've got as quickly as possible, and then replenish their displays from fresh donations - not say "I can't sell you the item you want because it'll mess up our display and we'll have to start again."  No, we can't have them inconvenienced, can we?  That would never do.  Not even when some cold, hard cash is at stake.

Charities are run (so I've always thought) to benefit the recipients of said charities, not the organisers, and the best way to facilitate that is to (in the words of the song) "keep the customer satisfied", not alienate them by implementing and enforcing ludicrous diktats. They're there to make money for the less fortunate, not refuse it on the grounds that moving one soft toy into the position of another is "against policy'" or is beyond the abilities (or inclination) of the staff.

In the end, I got Ted, who now sits proudly in the living room of the person for whom he was purchased.  I also bought the other one (which likewise went to a good home), thereby adding £13 to the charity's funds.  Cash I had to practically force on them by kicking up a fuss and reminding them that such places exist to help others less fortunate, not to fulfill the ambitions of those who want to rule over their own private fiefdoms inma self-indulgent attempt to satisfy their feelings of self-importance.

Rant over.

******

(Incidentally, I should perhaps add that I had previously seen items in the window with 'sold' signs on them, and I subsequently discovered that display items could be sold, but had to remain in the window display until it was changed, which was usually every fortnight.  The shop still operates this way today, so why I was never told that I could pay for Ted and collect him later at the end of his service remains a mystery.)

ARE YOU A BLUE BOY?

Here's JIMBO singing BLUE BOY.

Click on that arrow and get those feet

tappin'.  Top stuff.

HAPPY HALLOWE'EN TO SID AND SHINER...

Here's a blast from the past!  The GUY FAWKES mask free with WHIZZER & CHIPS #3 back in 1969 (issue dated November 1st, but on sale October 25th), and the NEW Annual currently available at the larger branches of SAINSBURY'S.  The book is priced at £7.99 on the back cover, but is being sold at the specially discounted price of only £3.99 - an absolute bargain for sure.  It contains material from Annuals between 1971 and '85 -and the front cover is sourced from the very first edition, the back cover from the second.  Go on - buy a copy and relive your long lost childhood!

(And remember - the mask doesn't come with the Annual.  I've only included it because it's appropriate for the time of year and I thought you might like to see it.)

I WON'T FORGET YOU - JIM REEVES...

The man with the golden voice, JIM REEVES, sings 

 a song that was released a week before he was killed in a

'plane crash on July 31st 1964.  It reached #3 in Britain,

and remained in the charts for a staggering 26 weeks.

BABE Of The DAY - GETYA KITTON...

Just a very short post to let you know

personal circumstances yet prevent me from

regular blogging, and it'll be just a little longer

before I return with my hyperbolic 'haverings'!

Meanwhile, here's a babe to make your mouth

water and help kickstart your heartbeat.  Am

I good to you Criv-Kids or what?!

BABE Of The DAY - PAMELA GONCALVES...

I'd hoped to be able to publish the

occasional post and reply to comments

in between attending to an urgent matter,

but unfortunately, time won't allow me to do

so for the foreseeable future.  I'll see you all

when things return to normal (or what passes

for normal around here).  Meantime, here's

the extremely vivacious Miss PAMELA

GONCALVES to put a bit of a spring

 in your step.  Schwiiiinnnggg!

BABE Of The DAY - DALIAH LAVI (AGAIN)...

Yet unable to resume daily blogging,

but here's a 'babe' to prove I haven't quite

abandoned you all.  Crivvies, I give you -

the delectable DALIAH LAVI!

STAN LEE IN GLASGOW, 1991...

Stan knows how to react to a camera pointing in his direction

Just time for a quick post to allay fears that I've disappeared off the face of the globe or have turned up my tootsies.  Way back on Friday, 15th November 1991, STAN LEE visited a Glasgow comicbook store to promote the late LES DANIELS' hefty new volume, MARVEL - FIVE FABULOUS DECADES Of The WORLD'S GREATEST COMICS.  Why Stan and not Les, you may wonder.  Simply put, Stan was a bigger draw than Les - and he had written the intro, so his presence wasn't entirely without merit.

Also in attendance that day were SPIDER-MAN, GRANT MORRISON, MARK MILLAR and myself, who assumed the role of unelected 'official' photographer, and snapped around a dozen photos of the event.  (Well, that's not quite true - obviously the pics of me and Stan together [and Spidey] were taken by someone else - but with my camera.)

So here's a whistle-stop tour of the palpitating photographs taken on the day.  It goes without saying, of course, that everyone was thrilled to meet Stan, and, great guy that he is, he gave every impression of being just as equally thrilled to meet the punters.  Wotta legend!

******

Incidentally, I reiterate that all photos displayed here, with the exception of the ones including myself, were taken by me on my Ricoh Mirai camera in November 1991, and the copyright of them therefore belongs to me - nobody else.  Should you see any of these pictures anywhere else, labelled 'copyright of...', or 'courtesy of...', you can safely regard the claim as the lie it actually is.  These photos are mine!  (I have the original negatives.)

Spidey hogs a little attention while Stan is distracted

Stan busies himself with signing books for the long queue of fans...

...then poses for a few photos with shop staff and select visitors 

Grant and Stan have appeared together at conventions a few times since this pic was taken

"Come back when you're more famous!" jokes Stan with Mark

I suspect Spidey may have been a 'ringer' - he had an English accent

You can't see the fiver Stan's handing me to pose with him

Me and Stan - the best of pals.  "Who is this guy?" he's thinking

"Wish I'd brought a rubber stamp with my signature on it!" thinks Stan

Sadly, I don't think these two wannabes ever amounted to much

Finally, here's a cheerful chappie with Stan, looking happy as Larry (Lieber, perhaps?) 

ATTENTION ALL CRIV-ITES - CRIVENS IN SHUTDOWN...

Salma can hardly hide her, er, disappointment.
(I nearly said 'nipple' - oops!)

A slight emergency (if that's not a contradiction in terms) has arisen which will require my full attention for the next few weeks.  Sadly, therefore, with the possible exception of the BABE Of The DAY feature and the odd YouTube link (if even those) , there will be no new posts for the foreseeable future.

Hopefully my regular readers won't abandon me, and will find something in my back catalogue (ooer, missus) to entertain them in the meantime.  It's also unlikely that I'll be able to respond to comments (if there are any) until I return to regular blogging, although I'll check in when I can and publish any in waiting.

See you all when I've attended to business.

MAKE MINE MIGHTY WORLD Of MARVEL...

Copyright MARVEL COMICS.  Published by PANINI

I walked into WHS two days ago (September 30th) and saw the latest issue of The MIGHTY WORLD Of MARVEL (#4) sitting on the shelves.  Hard to believe that it was 42 years to the day since the very first issue of the weekly incarnation of this periodical went on sale in the U.K.  Cover-dated October 7th, 1972, it had actually appeared in the shops a week earlier, to give it a full seven days shelf life before the next issue came in.

So what delights does the currrent version contain to enthrall and entertain its readers?  You'll have to buy a copy to find out, because the only strip I read these days is DAREDEVIL, which is top-notch stuff.  Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean that the other contents aren't likewise excellent, but they fail to call out to me in the same entrancing way that The MAN WITHOUT FEAR does.

Okay, I've done my Marvel duty by showing you what the mag looks like; it's now your turn as a dyed-in-the-wool Marvelite (assuming you are) to demonstrate your allegiance by running out and buying a copy.  Why are you still here?  MWOM awaits!

And here are four more Mighty Marvel Mags currently on sale.

The HAWAIIAN WEDDING SONG - JIM REEVES...

Had a hard day at work?  Sore head, sore feet,

sore back?  Don't worry, all your aches and pains are

about to melt away as you sit back and relax and unwind

to the smooth velvet voice of Gentleman JIM REEVES.

Surely his CDs should be made available on the NHS?

Seems an eminently sensible idea to me.

BABE Of The DAY - VELMA...

Okay, here's a question for you -

what's better than a Scooby Snack?

The answer: VELMA.  Be honest - the

 cartoon didn't do her justice, did it?

PART TWO Of BORN AGAIN - FRANK MILLER & DAVID MAZZUCCHELLI'S DAREDEVIL...

Images copyright MARVEL COMICS

And now... the second and concluding part of writer FRANK MILLER's and artist DAVID MAZZUCCHELLI's DAREDEVIL cover and image gallery.  The saga came to be collectively known as BORN AGAIN when all seven issues were gathered together in a softcover edition in 1987.  (You can see the cover at the foot of this post.)

This was one of the very best series that MARVEL published in the '80s (or ever, in fact) - in stark contrast to comics like SECRET WARS, which  may have sold a bundle, but paled into insignificance when compared to the brilliance of Miller's and Mazzucchelli's masterpiece.

So, to jog your memory if you were fortunate enough to have enjoyed this series back in the day, here are a few select images for you to slobber and salivate over - which you can also do even if you've never seen them before.  What can I say?  I like everyone to be happy - that's just the sort of thoroughly decent chap I am. 

The EXPLOITS Of SPIDER-MAN COVER & IMAGE GALLERY - PART THREE...

Images copyright MARVEL COMICS

Well now, lookee here - another cataclysmic clutch of colourful comics covers and images from The EXPLOITS Of SPIDER-MAN, published by MARVEL U.K. back in the early '90s.  As related in our first instalment, it took me over 21 years to acquire #5, which seems to be quite rare.  Not only didn't I see it back in '93, but I've only ever seen it available on eBay on two occasions in all the time I've been specifically hunting it.  A BBC children's programme called 'TAKE TWO', hosted by SARAH GREENE, filmed the production of number 5 and broadcast it to the nation (as related in the issue itself), so maybe that accounts for why it was so difficult to get back in the day - perhaps  it sold out with all the heightened awareness that the programme generated, or the free MARY JANE poster was a 'must have' for teenage readers.

Guess I'll never know for sure - not that it matters much now that I finally have the issue (and poster) in my collection.  So join me in celebration of the happy union and paste your peepers on all these pulse-pounding pages.  Just think - a 100 page, full-colour monthly mag for only £1.99 - wouldn't it be great if they could do that now?!

Remember to come back for part four - coming soon!  (Or whenever I find the time to get around to it.)