RETURN Of The LOOPY LAPSES In LOGIC DEPT. (Well, Have You Got Anything BETTER To Do?)

Copyright MARVEL COMICS

Okay, here's the scoop.  Wicked WEASEL WILLS, while attempting to rob one of TONY STARK's factories, finds his attache case containing his IRON MAN armour and, assuming the identity of the crimson and gold Avenger, goes on a crime spree.  Tony has to resort to donning his original bulkier armour and the two do battle.  Who wins?  Well, the next issue wasn't called The Invincible Weasel Wills - if that's any clue to you.

However, it could never have happened.  Why?  Because Tony Stark always wears his chest-plate to keep his heart beating, and only the extremities of his armour are stored in his attache case, not a spare chest-piece.  Therefore, Weasel Wills would only have discovered the boots and glove-'cuffs', from which the collapsible leg and arm parts of the armour unroll, held in place to the main body by electronic magnetism.

However, with no chest-piece there'd have been no battle, because the rest of the armour would've been useless.  Sure, he could've tried blackmailing Tony over his double-identity, but any punch-ups between the two would've been somewhat lacking in the drama department.

Here's another though that occurs to me.  If Stark can't remove his chest-plate, how did he shower or bathe?  Dead skin would've built up under his chest-device in no time, and the Invincible Iron Man would doubtless have soon become known as the Extremely Odorous Iron Man.  (And all those fit burds would've steered well-clear of 'Smelly' Stark.)

And what about his 'trunks'?  Surely they're part of the chest-piece?  In all the shots of Tony Stark donning his armour, he was always pre-trunked, so how did he go to the toilet?*  Did his trunks contain a waste-disposal unit, and his chest-piece an automatic exfoliating facility that removed and destroyed dead skin?  We deserve to be told.  Or should we just do what we did as kids and ignore (if they even occurred to us) the impracticalities and impossibilities inherent in such superhero sagas?  (*You can forget about that one - I've just noticed that his trunks were drawn as a separate component when he created his new armour in TOS #48.)

Any thoughts, fellow Crivs?  The comments section awaits.  Go on - join in the fun.

******

(Some of you may well be thinking "Wait a minute - doesn't it make sense that Stark would've had a spare chest piece in the event that the one he was wearing ever became damaged?"  You'd think so, but whenever that happened in those early tales, he never once thought "Must get to the spare chest-piece in my attache case!" - he always attempted to repair it or resorted to his earlier, bulkier one.  It was never established that he carried a spare one in his case, so it's therefore legitimate to conclude that he didn't.)   

THE GOODIES - GOODY-GOODY-YUM-YUM...

As I'm sure everybody will know by now, TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR from The GOODIES died on April 12th of complications from COVID-19.  He was only 79, which isn't really considered old these days, and it's a shame to think we'll never see him reunited with his two Goodies pals (GRAEME GARDEN and BILL ODDIE), or hear him again on I'M SORRY, I HAVEN'T A CLUE.

Several years back, I bought the first two DVD releases of The Goodies BBC shows, followed not long after by all the ITV episodes from when they switched broadcasters in 1980.  However, a few months ago, I purchased the boxed set of the complete BBC episodes on account of not being able to recall where I stored my earlier discs, so I've now got every Goodies episode ever made by the BBC and ITV.

I'll eventually get around to watching them, and it's good to know that, though he may no longer be with us in person, we can all still enjoy seeing Tim in all his comedic glory as one third of one of the most fondly regarded and remembered comedy shows ever seen on British TV.  If you were a fan of the show back in the day, I'd eagerly recommend you tracking down this set on eBay and reliving your far-away youth in a good ol' nostalgia-fest, and having a good hearty laugh in the process. 

BABE Of The DAY - LINDA THORSON...

Apt that one of LINDA THORSON's

predecessors in The AVENGERS recorded

a pop song called KINKY BOOTS, as that's

exactly what Linda is wearing.  I wonder if

they're made for walking, though what else

 would boots be made for?  (Climbing!)

PRIDE GOES BEFORE A FALL...

I've probably posted a link to this song by JIM REEVES before, but it's well worth presenting again.  Marvel at Jim's vocal dexterity as he sings "way above the ceiling" while bringing his voice down low and deep.  Probably the greatest male vocalist of the 20th century in my famously humble estimation.  Give it a listen.

TALES Of No SENSE In The MARVEL AGE...

Copyright MARVEL COMICS

Hi, Crivs - hope you're all keeping well during these trying times.  I've been reading my EPIC COLLECTION of The INVINCIBLE IRON MAN recently and I've made an interesting discovery.  Namely, I'm getting cleverer the older I get.  Don't scoff, it's true.  Loopy lapses in logic jump out of the pages at me these days, whereas I never seemed to notice them before.  Want some examples?  Well, take the Iron Man story in TALES OF SUSPENSE #43 - KALA, QUEEN Of The NETHERWORLD, wherein TONY STARK, along with one of his technicians and a security guard, are captured and taken to the centre of the Earth.

Eventually, Tony (as Iron Man) triumphs and takes Kala up to the surface world, where she finds that the atmosphere causes her to age into a hideous old hag.  That's because the atmosphere in the Netherworld is different to that on the surface, but in that case, why aren't Tony and his fellow surface-men affected in some way in the bowels of the earth?  (And why are fellow centre-of-the-Earth dwellers TYRANNUS and The MOLE MAN [who don't appear in this tale] not similarly affected when they come topside?)  Yeah, sure, if you apply your mind to it, you could probably dream up some reason to explain it away, but the fact remains that such dichotomies were missed or ignored by the writer when the story was produced.

Also, consider the patent absurdity of Tony Stark creating a duplicate of his Iron Man armour (aside from his chest plate obviously, which he wears constantly) overnight in one of Kala's laboratories.  Not just the armour, but a whole horde of built-in devices, like an electronic reverse-energy beam, pellets of chemical crystals, tiny transistor-powered magnets, multiple image-creating mirrors, and transistor-powered clippers for cutting through the layers of earth between the Netherworld and the surface world.  Stretching the readers' credulity just a bit, no?

However, there's an innocence to these tales, and despite their flaws I still love 'em.  I first read these stories back in the '60s in the b&w pages of FANTASTIC (and again [in colour] very soon after in MARVEL COLLECTORS' ITEM CLASSICS) and I can't look at them now without being returned to that earlier time, when the neighbourhood I then stayed was still as I knew it and the playing-field across the road from my house was yet a field, not the site of a big ugly three-storey building that blots out the horizon.

Any memories of these tales, fellow Crivvies?  Then you know where the comments section is.  (Incidentally, I've taken the accompanying images from MCIC #6, 'cos my Epic volume is too tightly bound to scan without leaving a shadow and out-of-focus 'bar' down the side of the spine.)

PART TEN Of DON STARR'S APPOINTMENT With FEAR!

Copyright relevant owner

Hopefully, the fact that I'm currently using a borrowed computer screen which is of different dimensions to my own won't affect the quality of any images I post.  Y'see, it's higher and less wide than my usual screen, so pictures are compressed width-wise and elongated hight-wise, making what I'm looking at rather weird.  However, while that may affect my perception of things, it shouldn't change the way you Crivs see things on your screens, so here's the next TERRIFIC episode of DON STARR in an APPOINTMENT With FEAR!  Enjoy!

A VIRUS STRIKES (UPDATE - AGAIN)...

Unfortunately, my computer seems to have been infected by a virus (not Corona), so until it's sorted, I'll have to stop blogging.  Apologies, but not my fault.  Please note that I'll probably be unable to respond to emails as well.  See you whenever.

Update: Just found out that it isn't a virus - the LED which lights up my screen has died, resulting in it looking like a coal cellar at midnight.  If I shine a torch on it from the side, I can just barely see to type - but it's not an ideal way to blog.  Given the current situation, I've no idea when I'll be able to get it repaired so I'd appreciate you Crivs helping to keep the blog going by visiting some old posts.  You've only got about four and a half thousand to choose from.

Further update: A friend has lent me a monitor to plug in to my computer so that I can continue blogging, so I'll maybe post something later tonight.  (Was that a groan of despair I just heard?)  Thanks, Iain.

A STREET DIVIDED...

In the row of houses on the left of the pic, only the first one belongs to the same street as
the other seven rows.  The rest of that one row is designated as another street.  Even my
dog Zara thinks it's totally bonkers.  I assume it was the result of some kind of oversight

You live and learn.  A staggering 54 years ago I moved into a house in a street that was comprised of 8 rows of 6 terraced houses each.  Last night I learned that 5 of the houses in the first row fell under another street name - only the first house in the row belonged to the same street as the other 7 rows.  Don't ask me why, as it seems completely arbitrary to divide up a row of connecting houses in this way, but that's what was done.  If you lived in that first house (appropriately numbered 1), it meant your neighbours' gardens on the other side of the adjoining hedge or fence were in a completely different street.  Or if you entered your back door through the narrow communal path between the back gardens, one row was in one street, the other row (aside from the first house) was in another.  Crazy, if you ask me.

Anyway, I was along in that old neighbourhood tonight and ran into the brother of one of my brother's pals back in the '60s.  This fellow doesn't live in the area any longer, but was visiting his elderly mother - and that's when I learned another surprising thing.  Back around 1967 (this I knew because I still lived there), his family moved from the 5th row to the first row, which, up until last night, I'd always believed was in the same street.  Then, around 1986, his mother moved into the house adjoining what had recently been her then current one (I only discovered this tonight), which she's now lived in for around 34 years, beating by far her 19 year stay next door.  (Which her son says she doesn't remember due to dementia.)

Now, that won't mean anything to you, but it amazes the hell out of me.  Any of you ever find out something surprising about a place you'd once lived?  If so, let rip in the comments section.

IS IT JUST MY VIVID IMAGINATION, OR IS THIS SPV A LITTLE DUSTY?

First of all, excuse the dust.  I was in such a hurry to photograph this great toy from 2001 that I didn't notice it was in need of a wipe until after I'd snapped the pics.  Over on MOONBASE CENTRAL blog, SCOOP has some pictures up of his CENTURY 21 SPV from the late-'60s, and this VIVID IMAGINATION version is clearly channelling its earlier predecessor.  Click on Moonbase's name above to see Scoop's photos, but first take a look at mine, seeing as how I went to all the bother of pressing a button on my camera (nine times). 

HEY! IT'S BATS-MAN...

Copyright relevant owner

I was going to add this strip to my post on the passing of MORT DRUCKER, but I decided to publish it here so that, hopefully, more people see it.  Truth to tell, I've got cleaner reprints of this strip in books and individual issues of MAD, but this far from pristine presentation comes from the '60s British edition (#59), which has text amendments to remove U.S. references that U.K. readers wouldn't have 'got'.

So if you're from the other side of the pond and have the original American version (or reprint), dig it out and have fun comparing the differences.  However, while you're doing that, don't forget to appreciate the artistic genius of Mort Drucker, who drew many movie and TV parodies for the mag over several decades. When he retired, despite the sterling efforts of others, Mad was never quite the same again. 

DAN DARE LOOKS GOOD FOR 70...

Apparently it was DAN DARE's 70th anniversary yesterday, as well as that of the comic he first appeared in - EAGLE.  April 14th is the 'official' date because that's what was printed on the cover of #1, but as we all know, comics usually go on sale before the cover date, from a few days right up to a week.  Anyway, above is a photo of the great man himself, exploring the vast expanse of my back garden.  (You'd be amazed at all the famous people who often drop in for a visit at my humble abode.  Yea, verily.)  

MIGHTY MARVEL CHECKLIST - AVAILABLE NOW!

SPIDER-MAN MAGAZINE #374

Copyright MARVEL COMICS.  Published by PANINI

In this latest issue of the official Spider-Man Magazine, our friendly neighbourhood Spidey goes toe-to-toe with Crusher Creel - otherwise known as The ABSORBING MAN!  But the wall-crawler doesn’t have to face him alone - because the deadly super-spy known as the BLACK WIDOW has got his back!  And once you’ve read the comic story, this web-slinging issue is crammed full of the ultimate arachnid activities and features to keep your mind razor-sharp!  So don’t delay - order your copy today!

Available now!

£3.99.

POSTCARDS FROM THE 21st CENTURY...

Copyright relevant owner

Around two and a half years ago, when I finally managed to obtain the special edition of TV21 #243 from The OFFICIAL GERRY ANDERSON WEBSITE, one of the disappointments was that the postcards which originally accompanied it weren't included in the price.  (Another disappointment was that, overall, the comic was nowhere near as good as the original incarnation - though it was still worth having.  See my review here.)

You see, both comic and postcards were originally included in a Blu-ray DVD release by NETWORK, and either they printed a surplus, or the Blu-rays failed to sell in the anticipated numbers, resulting in a 'warehouse find' of comic and postcards being snapped up by the Official Anderson Website, run by Gerry's son JAMIE.  If I recall correctly, the comic was made available first, with the postcards going on sale later, though perhaps they were available at the same time, but as two separate items.

I also seem to remember hearing about a later special offer where both items could be purchased together, but whatever the case, I recently took advantage of another (recent) offer to be sent the postcards for only the price of postage - saving myself £3.99 in the process.  Anyway, they arrived today, so I thought I'd just let all you Crivs know that you can buy them from the Anderson Website, as well as the special edition of TV21, though you'll have to purchase them individually.  (If you don't see them, type the name of the item into their search box.)

So what are you waiting for?  Jump over there now by clicking their name in the first paragraph.

DON STARR In An APPOINTMENT With FEAR PART NINE...

Copyright relevant owner

The indomitable DON STARR is still at it, trying to solve the perplexing mystery of an apparently haunted mansion.  And while he's doing that, I'm still trying to solve the mystery of why this great wee story isn't getting more hits from you Crivs.  We're only four episodes away from the wrap-up to this tale before Don has a six-part Appointment with Mr. BIG, which will conclude this TERRIFIC strip from the late '60s.  You'll miss him when he's gone.   

The SANDS Of TIME... (Updated)

I saw the above photo on ANTIQUES ROADSHOW yesterday and it prompted the following very short 'story'.  The photograph doesn't match the description in the tale, but I just wanted to show what gave me the idea.  The notion of people looking out from the past into the present (and vice versa) fascinates me.  I'll probably revise it if anything occurs to me.  (Still tweaking.)

******

The four men sat in their fold-out canvas chairs at the opening of their tent and smiled at the camera on its tripod in front of them.  A button was pressed on the little device at the end of the connecting cable and the moment was preserved for posterity.  "Wonder how long it'll be before we're back home," one of the soldiers said, wistfully.  "Yeah, I can't wait.  This sand gets everywhere.  It's in places I didn't even know I had places," said another.  They all chuckled.

The sea of sand spread in every direction, disappearing into the distance on four far horizons.  It was as though the world consisted only of sand and they felt trapped by the monotony of the view.  "At least the war's nearly over," ventured one.  "A bit of mopping up and we'll be out of here, back to dear ol' Blighty and to our missus and kids."  The shell exploded almost before they heard it descend, and all plans for the future, for their eagerly anticipated family reunions, perished with them.  Amazingly, the camera survived, relatively unscathed.  The negative was developed later by their comrades.

Seventy years later, Albert and his wife looked at a faded sepia photograph of four men in army fatigues in its cheap frame in the window of an antique shop.  "The guy on the end-right looks a bit like you," said the wife, gazing at Albert then back to the photo.  Albert squinted a little, taking a closer look.  "Yeah, he does a bit, doesn't he?" he said.  Then Albert and his wife walked on, and never thought of the photo again, having already consigned it to oblivion in their minds.

Yet in the moment Albert had looked into the eyes of the man looking out of the photo seemingly into his, across the decades and geographical distance, for a few brief seconds he'd connected with the grandfather he'd never known, who'd perished along with three comrades in a mortar blast in a far-flung desert in the closing days of World War II.  Albert hadn't been born then, but through the medium of a photograph, fate had brought him and his grandfather 'face-to-face' for a few seconds, even though each of them, in their own moment in time, was unaware of it.

BABE Of The DAY - JEM CALVERT...

JEM CALVERT is the gal who let a

boiler repairman into her home, forgetting

(she says) she'd attached a 'pleasure toy' onto

her bathroom wall the night before, which the

repairman had to brush past when entering the

'facility'.  She claims to have been embarrassed,

though not to the extent of avoiding relating the

incident on social media, thereby resulting in it

being reported in the newspapers.  Go figure.

Anyway, she's not a bad-looking lass, so

 here she is just for you Crivvies.

MAD ARTIST MORT DRUCKER PASSES AWAY...

Copyright DC COMICS

Sad to learn that artist MORT DRUCKER, for many years (decades in fact) MAD's best movie and TV parody caricaturist, has passed away at the age of 91.  No doubt there will be other bloggers who delve into far more detail about Mort's life and career, but for the moment, in pictorial tribute to him, here's one of my favourite film series parodies that he illustrated back in the early 1970s.  Brilliance!

THE STARK TRUTH - OL' POINTY CHIN IS BACK!

Copyright REBELLION

Currently available to buy from The TREASURY Of BRITISH COMICS website shop is The INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES Of JANUS STARK Volume II, collecting the strips of the Victorian escapologist (formerly known as JONAS CLARKE), originally published weekly in the revamped SMASH! in the late '60s/early '70s.  These stories were among Britain's finest comic strips of the period, and they still hold up astoundingly well today, 50 years later.  New as well as old readers are bound to be highly entertained by them, and you can still obtain the first book from the same source.  Buy 'em both today!  And roll on Volume III.

******

(Y'know, I've always thought that if Janus had a squarer-shaped head, he'd be almost the double of the early SUB-MARINER.  Whaddya think?)

FEMINISM? BAH! HUMBUG...

Feminists perplex me.  Remember when they waged all-out war on Page 3, saying that it was demeaning to women and defined them as mere sex objects?  Forget about male strippers like the CHIPPENDALES, or TV ads with the DIET COKE bloke getting his shirt off and the guy in the laundrette getting down to his boxers, 'cos seemingly it's all right for women to 'objectify' men, just not the other way around.

At the same time, these feminists (among others) were calling for the right to get their swimming cozzies off on the beach or to get their baps out in public to breastfeed weans ('cos of course that's all 'natural'), but if a man were to let his gaze fall upon a picture of a topless woman in a newspaper with an appreciative glint in his eye, then he was a dirty perv who deserved to be castrated.  Basically, what they're saying is that it's all right for women to get their tits out as long as it's on their own terms, and men's natural appreciation of a bit of nip shouldn't figure into the equation.

Back in the 1970s, teenage girls had posters of DONNY OSMOND, DAVID CASSIDY, CLIFF RICHARD, DAVID BOWIE, etc., adorning their bedroom walls, swooning and lusting after their (to my eyes) girly-looking pop idols, and no objections were ever heard about that from feminists.  However, young lads with pin-up posters of FARRAH FAWCETT or LYNDSAY WAGNER on their walls were condemned as future perverts, flashers, or rapists.  Talk about double-standards.  Seems it's only when guys appreciate the opposite sex that it's considered wrong.

I'll tell you who's worse - male feminists!  Don't be fooled by their seeming espousal of the sisterhood's cause, because all they're trying to do is ingratiate themselves with women in a pathetic attempt to gain approval and increase their chances of invading female underwear. They're traitors to their gender purely out of self-interest, and their toadying sycophancy is loathsome.

Well, I for one am fed-up with it and I intend to to lead a rebellion against such misandric double-standards.  Who's with me on this?  Men, stand up for yourselves and register your protest here today.  Raise your hands to show your support...

Hey, where'd all the men go?  (Wusses!)

PART EIGHT Of DON STARR'S APPOINTMENT With FEAR...

Copyright relevant owner

C'mon, Crivs, don't let me down.  Going by my blog stats, DON STARR hasn't exactly set your hearts on fire, but these are good solid stories and worthy of your attention.  Originally appearing in TERRIFIC back in the '60s, this was the only UK produced strip (though looks like the work of a foreign artist - could be wrong) amongst various MARVEL reprints.  Sadly, the comic only lasted 43 issues before being merged with its sister title FANTASTIC, but that just makes it all the more easy for collectors to track down a complete set like wot I have got (as ERNIE WISE would say).

Go on - give it a read and then leave a comment.