Anyone who's read The WIND In The WILLOWS by KENNETH GRAHAME will surely be familiar with the chapter entitled DULCE DOMUM, in which MOLE and RATTY are returning home over the fields (after a day out with their friend OTTER) one winter evening near Christmas. Suddenly, Mole senses his own home which he'd 'abandoned' months before to stay with Ratty (come now, we won't be having any of that kind of innuendo - their relationship is purely platonic), and feels compelled to visit it again. It's a very touching episode, and speaks about the importance of having one's own place to return to, and the comfort which can be derived from being able to reconnect with one's 'roots'.
I feel like that about every house I've ever lived in. They call to me, plead with me to return for a visit and relive the memories associated with the times I stayed there during my childhood. I've mentioned before that, whenever I'm in any of my former neighbourhoods, I almost feel that I could stroll up the pathway to whichever old home it happens to be, insert my key in the lock, and go inside to find everything as it was in 'my day'. It's an instinct. I recall that, late one dark night in '83 or '84, I was walking my dog TARA (not to be confused with her successor ZARA) along one of my old streets, when she turned in at the steps of the house we'd left several months before, glanced 'round to see if I'd caught up, and made to ascend the few steps to the pathway leading up to the door. Instinct (and memory) y'see. She seemed slightly confused when I walked past and called her to my side.
Like I said, it feels like the most natural thing in the world to me to walk up the path to any of my former abodes as if I still inhabited them, presumably due to a similar 'instinct' to that which animals possess. (At least, that was my defence in court when I was charged with several counts of attempted burglary. Relax, I'm joking. I just claimed it was a case of mistaken identity.)
Tonight, I again felt the 'summons' to revisit the house and area where I lived between 1965 and '72, and I was all ready to do so when I remembered how many changes had occurred in the last 30 years (which seems like only 3 or 4 to me). The alterations had taken place incrementally over a prolonged period, until they eventually overwhelmed some aspects of the street and the surrounding environs, to such an extent that revisiting is not entirely the happy experience it used to be. I want to see the place as it was in my day, not the place it's since become, and which sours things for me to an extent.
So I resisted the call, and instead entered the past via the portal of modern technology - namely my computer. I have large folders of photos (and some video footage) of how the area used to be in younger and better days, the same as when I lived there, and I found my 'virtual' visit almost as satisfying as my actual ones before the face of the landscape had been altered, in many ways, almost beyond recognition.
Any Crivvies ever do this sort of thing, or am I the lone inmate in an asylum of my own construction? ("Trapped... in a world he DID make!" would perhaps be the comicbook subtitle.) Feel free to say I'm bonkers in the comments section - but be polite about it. (You know what a sensitive soul I am.)
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What's that - the title of this post? It'a a line from the first paragraph of Dulce Domum. Give it a read - you'll enjoy it.
28 comments:
Great post. It's even more painful when it all still looks near enough the same umpteen years later. The bit about your dog expecting to go in there was very touching. I'm convinced that a lot of the current troubles afflicting our isle are down to people having no sense of connection or belonging, home, loyalty, family, etc. Those feelings are obviously still deeply needed so are replaced by ersatz equivalents such as 'belonging' to gangs, and 'loyalty' only to whatever's fashionable at the moment. The amount of contestants on quiz shows who attempt to excuse their ignorance by saying 'That's before my time' is a good illustration of how an interest in anything but the present and feelings of genuine nostalgia are missing in a lot of people...of course there'll always be the occasional oddballs like us Criv-ites...
I know what you mean in regard to not being able to revisit the places of your youth in anything other than a virtual fashion, via images captured as it was 'back in the day'. Though I still have family in the town where I spent the first twenty years of my life I have been away now for nearly twice as long as I lived there and it wasn't until about ten years ago that I'd been anywhere near our former family residence. My youngest brother was driving on that occasion I only recognized that were were traveling down our former street at the last minute (he took this detour without telling me as we chatted about something else)- it had all changed so much! And when he pulled up in front of the old family home I had to look twice to recognize it, not only had the current owners rendered it virtually a different house but it just looked so unlike the house of my memories. Bit of a shock really and I have not had the slightest urge for another drive-by. All subsequent visits have been via the handful of photos in my possession of the house as it was in the 60s and 70s. Apart from anything else that moment as we sat in the car and looked at the house that was ours but wasn't proved to be an all too sobering reminder of the passage of time.
I always took consolation from things being unchanged for years, HS, as it gave the illusion of time having stood still. It was only when some parts changed beyond recognition in my old neighbourhoods that I began to feel downhearted on occasion.
Talking of quiz shows, I saw some dumb burd on The Chase a few days back who was absolutely clueless about things that I thought everyone would know. However, I then realised that if I were quizzed on some aspects of modern 'culture' (singers, pop groups, soap stars, etc.) that I wouldn't have a clue.
I think you'd like my post called A True Account Of Time Travel, which is about the same neighbourhood alluded to in this post. Incidentally, did you get the problem with leaving comments via your 'phone sorted?
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I know exactly what you mean, PC, and touched on that very thing in my post called Come - Take A Walk With Me. If you haven't read it before, take a look and tell me what you think. It's come to a sad day when the places of our youth are changed beyond recognition, and the only way we can revisit them is either through memory or photographs. Thank goodness for them, sure enough, but nothing quite beats the 'real deal' - while it still exists, that is.
Another post you both may enjoy is called Meditations On Beginnings And Endings. Similar theme to this one and the two mentioned above.
Managed to comment via phone today but I don't really know me way about this thing...
Do you find you dream of your previous homes/haunts? I have a recurring one where it's Christmas Eve and I realise I haven't bought the Christmas issues yet,so I have to rush to this certain shop near my old house. Thing is, it's not a newsagents in reality and I don't think it was even when I was a kid. It's so consistent though and I'm always glad when that dream pays a visit..
As for quiz shows, given how many questions involve British history, older pop culture and events, I dunno why folk who are only interested in from their birth date onwards bother applying for a general knowledge quiz? I too would come unstuck with questions on current pop music or 'personalities', but I wouldn't excuse it by saying 'Sorry, I switched myself off in 1977'...
And what's with this current fad where contestants have to preface their answers to every question about themselves with "so..."?
"What do you do?", "So I clean toilets in a school", "And in your spare time?", "So I like to pick my nose of an evening". It drives me up the wall!
I'll check out those posts you mention...
Funny you should ask. I had a dream today just before I awoke, in which I was in the kitchen of my previous house, then I was in the living room of my current one as if both rooms were in the same home. And my dog was still alive, and she died 21 years ago. I've had dreams before where I walk downstairs from the upper floor of one old house only to find myself on the ground floor of another. Strange.
Hearing people say "So" at the start of answers always irritates me when they do it on Radio 4. (Which is fast becoming the voice of the LGBT militant wing, so I find myself turning it off more and more. If it wasn't for The Archers and Just A Minute, I wouldn't listen in.) "Just explain what your job entails, will you?" asks the interviewer. "So, like what I do is..." - AAAARRRGGGGGGHHHHHH! You Cretin - stop saying "So"! Do you think we could be the same person?
I see your point about switching off in 1977 (a mere few years ago to me), but no doubt their answer would be "I didn't 'switch ON' 'til 1997."
If you're switching Heartbeat off at this very moment cos Lulu's started singing then we're definitely the same person! :)
Clarkson made me laugh on '... Millionaire' the other night... after 4 ropey contestants in a row he said "Join us after the break for the fourth part of dumb Britain!" - bit rude, but at least he doesn't pat 'em on the head for being wrong like Jeremy Vine does...
I avoid that problem by not watching Hearbeat to begin with, HS. Thing about Clarkson though, is that unless the questions were about cars, he wouldn't know the answers either if they weren't written in front of him. (Or being fed through his ear-piece or whatever.)
Couple weeks back, the question was when was Concorde's last commercial flight? The punter used 'Ask the host' lifeline and by some fluke Clarkson had been a passenger on that last flight... and he still got the year wrong! Talk about pride going before a fall...luckily the punter went with her own hunch and he was all insulted until the correct answer appeared...
He's a bit of a plonker, isn't he? Worth a laugh though. Talking of Concorde, I managed to re-acquire a Corgi Toys one a year or so back, with the B.O.A.C. livery. Took me right back - supersonically too.
Do you only collect toys that you used to have, or whatever takes your fancy?
This fella down the market had dozens of those nostalgia toy vintage vans. I don't collect 'em but I was very tempted by one advertising the old Radio Fun comic on the side...should've bought it really for a couple of quid...
I collect things (comics and toys) I used to have, wanted to have but didn't, and things I wished were available when I was a kid, but weren't. So whatever takes my fancy, I suppose. I've got a few of those vans (Lledo/Days Gone), including Wham!, TV Comic, Whizzer & Chips, Lion and Tiger. The vans don't always match the same period as the comics though.
Good to know I'm not the only one that hates people starting any answer with "so". I don't feel the pull of visiting old homes with the regularity that you do Kid, but have felt that almost primeval tug to visit them at certain times for instance after my Dad, mum and brother passed away and at some times of stress. What always surprises me is how small those areas look now to me not the house but the street etc.
I suppose if I was out chasing women (well, they chase me - cough!) and having a great time every day, then I'd be too happy and busy to be looking back all the time, PM, but I don't like looking forward 'cos I don't fancy what lies at the end of the journey. It wasn't so much that the actual streets looked small to me many years later, but that the vistas and horizons didn't seem so distant and expansive as in previous years. Having said that, because of amenity flats, houses and bungalows being squeezed into such a limited space, one of my old streets does now look far smaller from the top of the road.
In what way is Radio 4 the "voice of the LGBT militant wing"?
There's lots of interesting stuff on Radio 4 (and Radio 4 Extra) so I won't be turning off any time soon!
'Cos hardly a day goes by, CJ, without at least one show banging on about LGBT issues, and it gets kind of boring after a very short while. There's some interesting stuff on Radio 4, but far too much tedious drivel. And much as I enjoy The Archers sometimes, it's entirely unrealistic about the two gay guys who are having a baby. It's depicting the world as it wants it to be, not reflecting it as it is. In real life, there'd be at least one person (Jazza probably) who thinks that gay marriage and adoption are wrong, but there's not been a peep for the traditional view from anyone. Talk about societal manipulation.
I stopped listening to the Archers several years ago so I haven't a clue what's happening in it. Your criticism of the Archers is justified but Ambridge is a weird place - nobody's anti-gay, nobody's racist, there's no class conflict. And it's all taking place in a little village in Middle England, the sort of place where liberal metropolitan attitudes would be non-existent. But I stopped listening because I came to loathe most of the characters.
I can't even remember any of the characters' names - apart from the Grundys, Mrs. Snell (I think) and Jazza. He's quite funny sometimes, even though he's a stereotypical drunken Scotsman. Doesn't bother me though, as hey, it's only a redio show.
Women's Hour (or is it Woman's Hour?) always has someone on talking about LGBT stuff, as well as programmes on later in the evening. That's when I switch off and put on a Jim Reeves CD. And why's there no Men's Hour (or Man's Hour)? See? Prejudice!
Yes, I remember a complaint to Radio 4's Feedback programme about Jazzer being an embarrassing stereotype. Did you know the actor who plays Jazzer is blind?
On the subject of Radio 4 and LGBT - a few months ago the Open Book programme (on Sunday afternoons) was discussing Wind In The Willows and the presenter, Mariella Frostrup, said WITW was obviously a gay book. Calm down, Kid, - it's only her opinion!
How very dare you point out an obvious double standard there, Kid?
I had to laugh last night as I channel-hopped from some channel showing the movie 'White Chicks' (2 black blokes dragged up in white-face make-up going undercover as privileged white birds) straight to the news with the achingly liberal Trudeau ducking and apologising for having blacked-up (more than once too!) in the past. Hold on! Why does Holiday Inn get trimmed of it's minstrel number while White Chicks can be shown at all?
There is a men's hour actually - it's that model railway challenge on 5 tonight - hope you're following it like a real man would! :)
Oh, it's Jazzer, not Jazza? Shows you how much attention I pay when I'm listening, CJ. Yes, I did know the actor is blind, found out a couple or so years back. Shame, but at least he's got a goos job.
And that Mariella Frostrup is talking a load of old b*ll*cks! Just goes to show you what a sewer she has for a mind.
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I've got a toy train, but not a toy train set, HS. If I'm not asleep, I'll maybe give that show a look. What's the challenge? Staying awake?
It's a creative challenge more than anything. They give the 3 teams a theme/challenge and then they have to build a railway layout accordingly. I never had a train set even as a kid, but for once there's a rare prime-time show aimed at 'gammon' like me so I'll always try to watch it before it disappears as non-relevant. Likewise James May's toy-centric docs.
I dunno if you've heard of this show, 'The Toys that made Us'? Might be well up your street...
I saw one show about toys that James May presented a few years back, but I didn't know there was more than one of them. As I said, if I'm not having a kip, I'll give that train show a look.
He did a fab episode about Airfix and they showed how the artwork's been sanitised for the current market. Planes flying over Kraut ships rather than blasting 'em as in the original 60's/70's art. Think they had one of the original artists on it...
I'll see if it's on YouTube. Mind and search out that Derren Brown Messiah episode.
Oops! I meant 'good job' in one of my above replies, not 'goos job'.
Oops again - 'radio show', not 'redio show'.
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