Isn't it strange how the 'backdrop' to your life can change without you being aware of it until after-the-fact? Example: There's a fella and his wife lived in the flats around the corner from me (same street) for at least 35 years, possibly longer. He was there when we moved back to the neighbourhood after four years away, and for all I know he might've been there when we still lived here the first time.
The pair of us were part of the local doggie-walking club in the late '80s until either the dogs or the owners gradually died. Out of about 14 of us, maybe only about four yet survive (all the dogs are gone), though me and Martin (as he's called) were the only two still in the area. I'd often run into him when he was out walking his new (relatively-speaking) pooch, or when one of us was going to, while the other was coming back from, the local shops.
Anyway, last week I was sitting on a bench in the shopping area, scoffing a soft buttered roll with link sausages and fried onions (yum), when I spotted Martin and hailed him. During the course of our chat, imagine my surprise when he told me that he and his wife had moved from their flat to a house in another neighbourhood quite a distance away around five weeks or so before.
Subconsciously, I'd yet imagined he and his dog were still traversing around the local environs when, in fact, his daily routine now unfolded somewhere else entirely, and that it was unlikely that either of us would run into the other when heading to or back from the shops. But there was even worse news to come. After being in their new house for only around three weeks or thereabouts, Martin came home one day to find his wife Isobel dead from a massive heart attack.
Sadly, I didn't know her very well (only saw her a handful of times in 34-odd years), but what a bummer, eh? He's no longer in the flat where he and his wife brought up their kids and made many happy memories, but he's now in a house where he was denied the time to make any meaningful new memories before she was so suddenly and cruelly taken from him.
I prefer to think that Martin still lives around the corner from me and is yet exercising his doggie around the neighbourhood, and whenever I look out of my window, I sort of imagine I've just missed spotting him by seconds. That way I can pretend that everything is as it's always been (for the last several years at least) and that the friendly face of a decent bloke is still out there to say hello to, instead of in another neighbourhood that I'm unlikely ever to visit.
Two more long-term residents in the street are soon to flit from it, and I'm beginning to feel isolated from friendly faces that have been part of my everyday existence for decades. It's no fun seeing them all moving (or slipping) away, especially as I well-remember when my family was the new one 'on the block'. That feeling is long-gone, but somehow I find myself wishing I could re-experience it - without having to flit somewhere else in order to do it though.
Any of you Crivvies ever feel the same? Or am I just bonkers? And spare a thought for Martin, eh?
******
And now for further bad news. I saw Martin only one more time, in Iceland (the store, not the country) a week or three after our meeting related above. Just a few days ago I was talking to another neighbourhood resident and happened to mention Martin, only to be informed that he had died from cancer around a couple of months after his wife. I'm kind of hoping that it isn't so, but I've no real reason to doubt it. Just think, after going to all the bother of flitting elsewhere, neither of them had much time in their new residence to make the effort and inconvenience worthwhile. Such a shame, but to me, he and his dog (Skye) will still always be just around the corner from me and traversing the local environs. He was a really decent bloke.
11 comments:
My connections were less on my street, a quiet cul-de-sac, but rather in the workplace. My retirement has taken me away from the folks I spent most of my time with. Since the passing of my wife, work was even more valuable. Covid restrictions timed perfectly with my retirement and set in motion almost two years of relative isolation. My daughters live many hours away. If not for my girlfriend with whom I shared a bubble, I'd have had almost no human contact at all. I'm darn near a hermit anyway in my habits, so it's not crippling, but I do at times yearn for folks. The passing of the familiar is the pain of getting older, which is why perhaps we cling so ferociously to my childhood hobbies.
Yes, I think you're right, RJ. The further away our youth recedes, the greater we miss it, hence our acquisition and replacement of comics and (in some cases) toys or other reminders of our childhood. There's now only around three people who date back to the time we first moved to this area in the 1970s. I'm beginning to feel like a stranger here.
During the cold snap in the first half of December I decided to visit the village where I grew up and which I hadn't seen since my mother's death in 2009. It was a strange experience being back there again after 13 years and my mother's former house seemed to be unoccupied. Some things had changed but most things were the same and familiar. But I knew this would be my final visit and I suppose I went back to say goodbye to that part of my life.
I'm beginning to feel like that, CJ. I used to visit former houses and neighbourhoods to say hello again to earlier parts of my life, but more and more, like you, it now seems to be goodbye to yet more aspects of them. Sad.
Hi Kid, all the best for 2023 and I hope you are feeling better soon.
That’s awful news about your friend and his wife, at times life just seems so unfair and I understand how disorientating and upsetting this must be especially when decent folk you know and respect are no longer there in your neighbourhood. Sadly, as we get older this type of bad news seems to happen with almost macabre regularity. In the last 2 months in my work 3 people (all under 60) have passed away (and all very suddenly) it’s very unsettling when you know these people and it just rocks your understanding of life. Although I don’t really have any affinity to the town / neighbourhood I live in (incidentally I do have nice neighbours ) I totally understand your comments and how this sort of news affects your day to day life. Regarding work (again) since going back after lockdown last year with sadly even more people I worked with having passed away, retired or just moving on to new jobs, the place just seems a very alien to me now and I do feel a bit "lost" there at times - maybe it’s time for me to move on.
And that's not the end of it, alas, McS, as a lifetime friend and previously frequent commenter on the blog is in a hospice at the moment, which I'm sure you know is not a good sign. I'm also seeing a reporter today to see if the local newspaper will expose inadequacies in meeting the specific requirements of a relative in a care home as continual complaints and numerous emails don't seem able to get them to fulfil their responsibilities effectively. (100-year-old woman with Alzheimer's repeatedly being left overnight with no toilet paper in her bathroom? Shocking. Plus other deficiencies.) And then there's my own health, which despite insufficient energy levels already, is now suffering from nigh-constant stabbing pains throughout my body - just at a time when it's almost impossible to see a doctor. Tell you what - that's the last time I buy any lucky white heather.
Anyway, commiserations on your own sad experiences lately, but let's hope we both - in fact, we ALL - have a better 2023, eh? I'm not making any bets on it at this stage, though. Right, I only got up for a wee, back to bed for me for a few hours.
I’m not sure that I can add any more than other commenters have said. I think that all of us here are of an age when friends from our youth are slowly falling off the twig, and it certainly is a shock and brings one up short. One great pal from my early twenties, whom I had only recently made contact with again via many enjoyable Zoom sessions during the COVID lockdown, dropped dead from a heart attack. I’m sure we all have such tales to tell. I think the best we can do is look after our health (regular exercise, annual check-up on blood pressure, cholesterol, PSA for prostate, etc) and soldier on, grateful that we’re still going.
From time to time I’ve contemplated moving back to where I grew up, but come to the conclusion that staying in one place too long and you’ll get “left behind” by either neighbors moving away, or family members and friends passing on. It’s inescapable. The only answer is to keep moving forward - new places to visit, younger friends to make, new experiences to have.
Sorry to hear of your health issues Kid - go to see the Doc, or get on a tele-appointment. You’ll feel better once you’ve discussed it. Otherwise bad scenarios whirl around in your head, which adds to the problem.
I can relate to what you said, B, about moving back to where you grew up and being left behind by people moving on and dying. I touched on that very thing in a post called 'A Wolfe In Past's Clothing...?', which you might find interesting if you haven't already read it. I've actually got a face-to-face doctor's appointment this coming week, so finger's (and everything else) crossed that I don't keel over before then.
Condolences, Kid.
Near the end of last year, I lost one of my best friends. He suddenly died early on Thanksgiving morning of a heart attack. There were no previous symptoms, he seemed to be in great condition for his age, very active in his community and church and in his workplace. We had been friends since we were four or five years old. We went to school together, played sports together, hung out together. We were even next-door neighbors for about ten years after we both married. We didn't see each other as much for the last couple of years due to all the restrictions, but we did see each other or talk to each other at least once a week. I saw him the weekend before he died.....he and his wife brought us a pot of soup after my wife's cancer treatment. I've lost some friends over the years, but he was the closest by far and I'm still not over it.....I still expect to see him in the usual places and I have to remind myself that he's not there.
Over the past few months, my mother in law passed away (a couple of weeks before my friend) and I lost another good friend shortly after Christmas. I realize it's a part of growing old, but I really thought it would be longer before I said goodbye to my friends. My mother in law had been in declining health for a while.....it was still hard, but it was more of a relief for her at the time. These others were in the prime of their lives and it was a jolt to see them cut short. It's just hard right now because it seems like there are so many people passing away.
I'm sorry for your loss, Kid.
Thanks for the kind sentiments JA & G. G, I can completely relate to your comment. I'm beginning to feel how a line of cattle must feel when they see the animals in front of them at the abattoir being slaughtered, knowing that it'll soon be their turn. Each new passing reminds me that my own time is running out. Sorry to hear about your friend and mother-in-law.
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