Friday, 3 March 2017

SCHOOLTIME SCANDALS PART THIRTEEN: PUSHED IN A PUDDLE...


Scene of the 'crime':  The foot of the grassy slope, several feet along
from the stairs.  The puddle was at the edge of the grass in the fore-
ground.  The school is just out of view on the left side of the photo

Me and Euan Sheperd weren't exactly what
you'd call pals.  However, between classmates, there
existed a kind of unwritten rule that it was acceptable,
in the absence of one's usual friends, to pass the time in
the company of whichever fellow pupil was available
when required.  A sort of 'surrogate' pal in effect.

Such was the case on this particular day.  School
had finished and Euan and I found ourselves in each
other's company as we exited from the school gates.  We
made our way to his house, a mere two minutes (if) away
from my own, to dump his schoolbag, but he met with an
objection from his mother at going back out again.  He
pleaded, begged, cried, and implored until his poor
mother relented.  "15 minutes - no more!"

So we made our way to the swingpark beside a
playing-field between our two houses.  On the way,
we ran into his older sister, who enquired where he was
going and why he wasn't already back home.  She took his
hand and started to lead him back towards his house.  Un-
surprisingly, Euan burst into tears and protested that he
had permission to be out, but she was having none of it.
I timidly piped up at the back "His mum said he could
stay out for 15 minutes", whereupon she turned
and looked at me as if I were a bad smell.

Then she simply shoved me hard in the chest.  I
fell backwards and landed in a large muddy puddle.
As I lay there, spreadeagled and stunned into silence in
my surprise, Euan looked at me, ceased his crying, and
burst into the irritating girlish giggle for which he was so
renowned and ridiculed in equal measure.  Then he sim-
ply turned his back and accompanied his sister home.
Treacherous b*st*rd!  This was my reward for
my intercession on his behalf?

I would've thought, at the very least, in shame
at his sister's behaviour, he'd have assisted me to my
feet and apologised for her shocking act, but no, Euan
found it highly amusing.  I was left on my own to extri-
cate myself (with much squelching) from the sodden,
muddy puddle and make my way home, there to
explain my dufflecoat's soiled condition.

Needless to say, I took nothing to do with the
wee pr*ck after that.  Even amongst 'fill-in' friends,
a certain degree of loyalty was expected, and Euan
had been found lacking and fallen at the first hurdle.
Perhaps to this day he looks back and wonders why
he wasn't particularly popular at primary.  (Cer-
tainly not with me anyway.)

   If so, guess what?  I could tell him!

Me & Euan in a class photo.  He's standing
on a kerb behind me, hence the seemingly
huge difference in our height 

15 comments:

moonmando said...

The injustices served upon your good self sir are indeed long and reprehensible!
Come the day when these blaggarts should pay the price for their terrible misdeeds!!
Never mind,perhaps Some aspiring Hollywood scriptwriter will seize upon these foul tales of barbarism and skullduggery and make a blockbuster.....Hmm
Question being,..who would play the lead?
Answers on a postcard to the usual address....

Colin Jones said...

I had a schoolfriend called Mark (more of an associate than a friend) who lived about half a mile away in a house owned by the Water Board (his father worked for the Water Board). I'd never been to his house and one day when I was around 8 years old he invited me to come over after school. As I was approaching his house his sister, Karen, appeared - Karen was a bit...er, backward...or mentally challenged or whatever the modern phrase is...and she started calling to me "Go home, Colin, go home". I felt rather scared and turned right round and went home !

Kid said...

Ya wee buggah, Moony - you're rippin' the p*ss out of my traumatic schooltime experiences, which have marked me for the rest of my life. H'mm what dark secrets are in your cupboard that I can expose? Tremble in fear. As for who'd play me, why, with a close shave, a schoolboy fringe, and a pair of shorts on, I'm young-looking enough to play myself. (Kindly note that the word 'with' does not appear between 'play' and 'myself'.)

******

Hell's bells, CJ, that scared me so much, I don't think I'll leave the house today. In fact, I'm off to hide under the blankets in case your acquaintance's family moved to my neck of the woods.

Colin Jones said...

Kid, are you being sarcastic ? In truth, I didn't really want to go to his house anyway and his creepy sister shouting at me was the final straw.

Kid said...

No, I was being humourous. Trust me, you'd know if I were being sarcastic.

moonmando said...

Close shave,schoolboy fringe and a pair of shorts? Bingo!,I've think I've got the very 'chappie',to play you.
None other than Jimmie Crankie him/herself!
Cue,Irrepressible laughter from the stalls...

Kid said...

But Jimmy Crankie isn't tall or slim enough to convey the essence of my auguste personage, Moony. He/she is short, fat, and clearly confused about his/her sexuality. It's only your lack of a schoolboy fringe which prevents him/her from being the perfect person to play your good self. (Unless you were to start using your hairy @rse strands [so your missus tells me] as a combover.)

John Pitt said...

Here's a little tale about the pranks that your fellow school pupils can play on you!
In 1965, in the Midlands, there was a partial eclipse of the sun and our Physics master said we could all go out into the quadrangle to look at it through soot-coated microscope slides which he was busy smoking up over a (yellow) bunsen burner flame. We were all little first year lads and another, older year form was also making its way out to view the phenomenon. After a while, a schoolfriend needed to visit the lav, so he asked me if I would watch his satchel while he went. So that I still had my hands free, I slipped it over the opposite shoulder to my own, so I was now wearing two, crossed diagonally. Two older lads came over and said, "Hey, look at this little swot! He's got TWO satchels!"
"Well, if he likes satchels so much, let's give him some more!" and they proceeded relieving all of the satchels from off all the little kids and draped them over my head and shoulders and started spinning me around and around! It got SO heavy that I couldn't even stand under the weight and I collapsed on the ground underneath a mountain of satchels!
A master then came out into the yard, but the satchels were SO tangled up, that he couldn't remove them and he had to cut through many of the leather straps with a penknife!
To find me, underneath the mountain, with soot all over my face, from off the microscope slide!
Schoolboy japes, eh?
What a laugh!

Kid said...

Great story, but if I were a parent, I don't think I would've liked any of my kids coming home with the straps of their satchels cut, JP. And by a teacher too! So I take it you were eclipsed by satchels, eh, and missed the one happening to the sun?

John Pitt said...

Har, har, Kid! The best part about it was though, afterwards, the master was mad at ME, for "being stupid and messing about"!?!?
In later years, after I had left school, I met up and became mates with one of the culprits!
"You'll never guess what this B@$-,@®d did to ME at school!", I would tell others....

Kid said...

You still mates with him today, JP?

Colin Jones said...

What a badly organized class photo - most of Euan's face is hidden !

Kid said...

Actually, that's not entirely unusual for a class photo. However, you'd know (if you'd been paying attention in a previous post) that the photo was taken by a departing teacher (Mrs. Tighe) out in the playground in September 1967. Going by the composition of the full photograph, she wasn't much of a photographer. Besides, Euan didn't deserve to have his full (or should that be fool) face on show. Not when handsome me was there.

John Pitt said...

No, lost contact when we moved up North. Did see him again once though, when I went down the Midlands to stay with my Grandparents for a Summer Holiday. And he was still just as crazy as he ever was!

Kid said...

I wonder if age has mellowed him? I often wonder what happened to people I haven't seen in years.

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