TRUE BELIEVERS - IRON MAN...

Doomquest...

Copyright MARVEL COMICS

I remember the day well.  It was a sunny afternoon sometime in 1981 and I was in Glasgow with a visiting pal, up from where he now lived in England to see his in-laws who yet resided in my home town.  So while his wife spent time with her parents, me and Bob Billens (name changed, though it was a double 'B') nipped into the 'dear green place' for a jaunt.  Bob had worked as a summer assistant in my town's central library when I was a full-time employee there in 1979, and that's how we'd met.  He, like myself, was also a comics geek, though he preferred DC to Marvel.

Anyway, we were near Howard Street, so I directed Bob's attention to a huge board I'd fairly recently signwritten which adorned the side of a building close by.  Then we nipped into a newsagent's opposite and I bought The Invincible Iron Man #150, which I still have to this very day.  Now, 40 years on, I finally got the chance to read the preceeding issue when the True Believers reprint of #149 popped through my letterbox this morning.  I suppose it's fitting that the two issues involve time travel, as my mind returned 40 years into the past to the day that two pals with the same pastime enjoyed a carefree saunter 'round the city for a couple of hours.

A mere 5 or 6 years later, Bob apparently decided that our long-distance friendship was surplus to his requirements, presumably having made so many new pals in England that he considered the effort of maintaining contact with me an unnecessary exercise, so he simply stopped keeping in touch.  He'd become a bit of a social climber, like Bob Ferris in the TV show Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads, and I think he'd come to regard me as the Scottish version of Terry Collier and therefore a bit of an embarrassment to his imagined new status down south.

So, sadly, turned into a bit of a pr*ck, did Bob, but, regardless, I can't help but smile fondly at the memory of our friendship, before it finally faded like the colours of a parted petal, bleached by the radiating rays of the summer sun.  But enough of such sentimental b*ll*cks - if you see this mag on sale anywhere, grab it while you can.  It's been out for a month or more, but it's well-worth having.  Meanwhile, having read #149, I'm now off to re-read #150, so that I can immerse myself in the 2 part story in sequential order - almost 40 years after the fact.

THE LAW IS AN ASS...

And here are 22 examples that prove it...

A few years back, one of my pals gave me a copy of what purported to be questions actually asked by attorneys during trials, and, in some cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses, as recorded in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers' Journal.  I thought I'd share them with you here and give you all a laugh.

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1)   "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

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2)   "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"

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3)   "Were you present when your picture was taken?"

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4)   "Were you alone or by yourself?"

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5)   "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"

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6)   "Did he kill you?"

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7)   "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

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8)   "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

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9)   "How many times have you committed suicide?"

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10)   Q:  "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"

             A:  "Yes."

             Q:  "And what were you doing at that time?"

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11)   Q:  "She had 3 children, right?"

            A:  "Yes."

            Q:  "How many were boys?"

            A:  "None."

            Q:  "Were there any girls?"

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12)   Q:  "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"

             A:  "Yes."

             Q:  "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

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13)   Q:  "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"

             A:  "I went to Europe, sir."

             Q:  "And you took your new wife?"

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14)   Q:  "How was your first marriage terminated?"

             A:  "By death."

             Q:  "And by whose death was it terminated?"

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15)    Q:  "Can you describe the individual?"

              A:  "He was about medium height and had a beard."

              Q:  "Was this a male, or a female?"

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16)    Q:  "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"

              A:  "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."

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17)    Q:  "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"

             A:  "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."

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18)    Q:  "All your responses must be oral, okay?  What school did you go to?"

              A:  "Oral."

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19)     Q:  "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"

               A:  "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m."

               Q:  "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"

               A:  "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."

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20)     Q:  "You were not shot in the fracas?"

                A:  "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel."

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21)     Q:  "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"

              A:  "I have been since early childhood."

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22)    Q:  "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"

              A:  "No."

              Q:  "Did you check for breathing?"

              A:  "No."

              Q:  "So, then is it possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"

              A:  "No."

              Q:  "How can you be so sure, doctor?"

              A:  "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."

              Q:  "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"

              A:  "It is possible that he could still have been alive and practicing law somewhere."