Wednesday, 18 January 2017

TEENAGE TALES: HOSPITAL HIJINKS...


The long-vanished hospital shop of my childhood, teenage years
and young adulthood.  Demolished sometime back in the '90s 

I've a nagging suspicion that I may've told this tale
before.  Or perhaps I intended to tell it but then forgot.
Either way, I can't find it on the blog or remember which
of those two possibilities is the right one, so I may as
well tell it now - or again - whichever is the case.

When I was a teenager, me and my pals were quite
adventurous in our, er, adventures.  We explored places
we had no right to be, convinced in our fevered imagina-
tions that we were agents of U.N.C.L.E., or The Three
Investigators, or 007 - or any fictional characters
with whom one associates 'living on the edge'.

We explored building sites, office blocks, the local
Civic Centre - before, during and after working hours.
We investigated hotels, restaurants,  churches - even the
local hospital and surrounding out-buildings.  You name it,
any place we shouldn't have been, we were on it like a rash.
For we were - The Adventurers!  (Seriously, that's what
we called ourselves.  Or maybe it was just what I called
ourselves and the others merely humoured me, but
hey - that still counts in my book.)

Let's just pause for a moment while I savour the
thrill of what I deludedly (but willingly) like to believe
was my exciting everyday life as a teenager, but (sadly)
know I'm likely romanticising just a bit.  But we had
our moments, and one such moment was this.

Sometimes there were three of us, but on this par-
ticular evening, there were only two - my good self and
a friend who, for the purpose of this tale, we'll call Adam
Cowie.  We'd just been into the local hospital shop so that
I could check to see if it had any U.S. comics or black and
white mags that, for some reason, weren't regularly or
readily available from other newsagents.

There used to be more trees here, but they were felled to make
way for car parking areas.  Again, none of this exists today

The shop had nothing to offer, alas, so we then
decided to investigate a ground-level out-building par-
tially concealed by a wooded area.  It was one of several
annexes once used as wards (I think), 'though at the time of
this tale, used mainly for storing medical supplies and may-
be also by administration staff.  We gained entry through
the door, which yielded (undamaged) under the slight-
est pressure from our inquisitive selves.

We wandered the corridor, exploring the various
rooms, and I happened to notice that all the windows
were tightly secured with string, tied around the handles
to prevent them from being opened.  My pal had just ex-
amined a bag containing a variety of medical implements
and put it down again, when we were suddenly aware of
what sounded like soft, slow footsteps, stealthily
making their way along the corridor.

Discovery meant trouble, for who'd ever believe
we were merely indulging our over-developed sense
of curiosity by doing a bit of exploring without criminal
intent?  My friend (as usual) sh*t a brick, but I was made
of cooler stuff.  I'd noticed a pair of small surgical scissors
in the bag my pal had been looking at, so I extracted them
and quietly cut the string around the handle, replaced the
scissors, then we both made a rapid escape through the
open window frame and vanished in a cloud of
dust over the horizon to freedom.

Phew!  It had been a near miss, but once again
we had evaded capture by the combined agents of
S.M.E.R.S.H., S.P.E.C.T.R.E., T.H.R.U.S.H. and
HYDRA, and were free to fight yet another day.  Well,
that's how things seemed to my fertile imagination,
but then again, I always was a bit of a nutter.

Ah, those were the days.  

28 comments:

TC said...

Those approaching footsteps may have been some minimum wage security guard, who, while making his rounds, was fantasizing about being 007, Napoleon Solo, or Danger Man.

Kid said...

You're right, TC! We could have made him a member of our group.

Voice of reason said...

Reading your post makes me wish I had been bolder when I was a teenager. I led quite a boring life, and was probably regarded as an inadequate, ineffectual youth by my peers. Nothing much has changed I guess.

Kid said...

Never mind VOR, you can live vicariously through my exciting adventures as a youth. Not everyone can be a manly man like me.

Voice of Reason said...

Sigh! I know. I freely admit it. My therapist says I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but I can't help wishing I'd been more of a man all my life. Even now, I too scared to use my real name and resort to using a variety of ridiculous pseudonyms whenever I leave a comment on a blog.

Kid said...

Come now, pull yourself together. And consistency please. You used a small 'r' on 'reason' last time. Be reasonable - pick one and stick with it.

B Smith said...

Now, you should have been wearing your Clark's Commando shoes - they're tough enough to take anything.

Colin Jones said...

Most people who comment on blogs use ridiculous pseudonyms - there's nothing unusual about that. But why are they all too scared to use their real names ?

TC said...

Nothing wrong with using pseudonyms. Especially since I know that They are out there.

And just because I'm paranoid doesn't necessarily mean that They are not conspiring against me.

Kid said...

Ah, how do you know I wasn't, BS?

******

Never mind that, CJ - why don't you use YOUR real name? (Eh, what's that? It is? Well, blow me down!)

******

And everyone you know and love is in on the conspiracy, TC. They told me so.

paul Mcscotty said...

Great story Kid - My mates and myself also had sometimes pretty dangerous adventures ( I know we had a name for our group but for the life of me I cant recall it). I remember a few close shaves playing in a "bing" (not internet slang but a Scottish name for a large, almost small mountain sized pile of ore, old coal etc from mining etc) when my pal Ronnie fell into a small pit when the "bing" gave way under his feet when we were kidding on we were on an alien planet - on another occassion Ronnie (or "lucky Ronnie" as we called him) skimmed a tin can lid kidding on it was discus into an abondoned house , it hit a wall and came right back and lodged in his forehead (he had to get it cut out at hospital). My brother nearly lost his knee cap one day when we made a boggie (a cart?) with a plank of wood and 2 sets of pram wheels = he went down a really steep hill that led into a busy street but we never put on brakes and he knelled to try to stop the cart onto the gravel road (I still flinch thinking about it blood everywhere - but he was actaully ok not long after he got cleaned up, bless him) - It was amazing what they let 9 -11 year old do back in the day and I loved every minute of it

Kid said...

Sad thing about my story, PM, is that we were about 15 or 16 at the time. However, back then, teenagers weren't much different to what they'd been like as kids (10 or 11), whereas kids today often seem like older teenagers. Or, at least, that's how they act anyway. Yeah, we called carts 'bogies' too, but I'm not sure how the word was actually spelt. Boagie maybe. Funny how the same word meant three things. "Game's a bogie" meant that, whatever the game was, it was cancelled or suspended. And the word also meant snotter or cart. Hey, we're an inventive lot we Scots, eh?

Karmasabitch said...

Shared to the comics community to show what you are. A creeper boasting about illegal entry to people's houses.

Kid said...

Great! Even more traffic. You're doing such a good job publicising this blog, I'll even overlook the libel about being a housebreaker. The downside for you is that all my readers now know what an @rsehole you are. Keep up the good work.

paul Mcscotty said...

What da fek was that "Karmasabithch" on about, you been pissing folk off again Kid disagreeing withthem over how good some sill ylittle comic used to me (major stuff to get hot under the collar about eh?) Unless this lad (or lass) is under 13 years of age I never understand why they get so upset and nasty, this internet business is all just a little bit creepy to me (would anyone talk to someone in personthey way they seem to think its ok to do online, lets put it this way they would in Glasgow....once and once only!).

Kid said...

I get comments like that almost every day, PM, which I usually never publish. It's the same guy each time using different names. A bit sad when you think about how strong his obsession must be for him to be so relentless in his quest to try and wind me up. I just laugh 'cos he's such an obvious f*d. You realise you'll now be labelled aggressive by some clowns because of your last sentence?

paul Mcscotty said...

I really have no time for these internet bully’s regardless of the situation if someone was that much of a pain to you |(as you seem to be to him) then you disengage in the conversation (you know like an adult does) and agree to disagree and not revert to silly childish things like this (its only comics not like your being a slagging of people with disabilities etc). of course I only said that if he or others of a similar ilk said to a person face to face what they sometimes say online they may not say it again with a full set of teeth (as you say accusing someone online of breaking and entering is a bit silly ). If he isn’t a fan of me after this I am not going to be that bothered getting dissed on a comic book site is akin to "being savaged by a dead sheep" as Dennis Healey once said. (as you may have gathered Im in a bit of a mood today lol)

Kid said...

I just laugh at these people, PM, and occasionally let them make public fools of themselves by publishing their ridiculous comments. This post has received very high hits in a short space of time, probably because 'Elmer' keeps coming back to see if I've published his other comments. He'll never learn.

Colin Jones said...

"I just laugh 'cos he's such an obvious f*d" - Kid, what is a f*d ? Is that a Scottish word or did you mean to type s*d ?

Kid said...

F*d is slang for a certain part of female anatomy, CJ. I don't know that it's exclusively a Scottish word, but it may be.

Kid said...

Hi 'Elmer', you still haunting this post and pushing up my stats? This post has had the highest hits of the month so far. Incidentally, the last comment you tried to submit, wherein you denied you were anyone else while using one of your other names (which I hadn't even mentioned), was a classic "Don't tell him, Pike!" moment. You truly are a f*d. Thanks for the laughs.

Kid said...

Hi Fudley, and ta for your latest bile-filled invective, full of lies, inaccuracies and wishful-thinking on your part. Gave me a good laugh. Not one thing you said has even a grain of truth to it, but it's YOUR fantasy so what do I care?! Nice to know, 'though, that I've got under your skin to such an extent that you've lost any tenuous grip on reality, or even sanity, that you may (big question mark) once have had. And your attempts at misdirection really are pathetically obvious. You're clearly suffering from penis envy - angry that I've GOT one, and that you ARE one. No, wait a minute, I'm mistaken - you're just a f*d. Toodle-pip.

Dunsade Dave said...

Karmasabitch wants to read your posts more carefully, Kid, since he/she/it seems to think your story was about entering someone's home - even a quick read on my phone was enough for me to take it that it wasn't a house.

I really don't get the whole idea about leaving comments like that - if I disliked someone enough, I'd avoid all contact with them, I certainly wouldn't be feverishly reading their blog in the hope of finding something to be offended about (although if I did, I'd make sure I read it properly before commenting). That would be like forcing yourself to eat food you don't like, just so you can whinge about how horrible it tastes. Still, each to their own.

Kid said...

Clearly, the individual concerned isn't operating with a full deck, DD. He's patently a sad inadequate who resents the popularity of this blog and is in denial over it. Never mind, he has his inflatable wife to console him. You'd shake your head in disbelief over his latest comment, received this morning. I can't publish it 'though, because I've previously been advised that I've got no redress against libel if I publish it myself.

Gerry said...

I've worked there fir 31 years ! Those pictures bring back some memories !

Kid said...

I took loads of photos before the original buildings were demolished, G. Maybe I'll show some more one day.

Gerry said...

I would love to see those !

Kid said...

I'll do a tour of the old hospital then, once I've had a chance to scan the photos. Can't say when that will be 'though, so you'll just have to keep popping back in. Hopefully it'll be worth it.

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