|I don't have a photo of Kim, so you'll have|
to settle for one of Caroline Munro
Her name was KIM, a stunning-looking girl with long hair and a body
more shapely than any 15 year old female had a right to - definitely far
too curvaceously-endowed for her age. Don't be alarmed - you haven't
So, in the absence of anything else to write about, I thought I'd
share with you just how Kim 'ruined' my reputation with my teachers
at school, although I was unaware of it until some time after the fact.
(Don't get excited - it's not as interesting or as lurid as it sounds.)
|The school hall, old block|
themselves needing to sharpen their pencils at the start of the lesson.
I was one of them, the stunning Kim another. Unfortunately, however,
the pencil-sharpener affixed to the top of a floor cupboard next to the
blackboard wasn't working, so Mr. Millar took us through to the class
behind ours by means of an adjoining door at the back of the room.
I had finished sharpening my pencil and was heading back through
you?" Thinking he was asking if it was me who had pushed a 'mere'
girl, I replied "She pushed me first!"
He was having none of it. Out came the tawse and I was duly belted
smile at his seeming impotence at administering corporal punishment.
It was all a sham on my part, of course. Inside I was screaming like
first to demolish my resolve. They were all doomed to equal failure
Anyway, I digress. Some weeks later, Mr. McLAUGHLIN, one of
the Tech teachers, was regaling me with a list of my faults (as he perceived
them) and included "Swearing in Mr. Millar's class!" amongst his catalogue
of alleged misdemeanours. I almost did a double-take. Until then, I thought
I had been belted for pushing Kim, not swearing. It just goes to show what
a growl she had, if a teacher could mistakenly attribute her outburst to
a boy rather than the girl responsible for it.
(To digress again for a moment: I had once drawn Mr. Millar on the
WAYNE BORING drawing. I don't just mean that the portrait looked like
Wayne Boring had drawn it - I mean that Mr. Millar actually looked as if he
were the real-life model for one of comicdom's finest artists. Whenever I
saw him thereafter, I couldn't help but think of Wayne Boring. Even the
folds in his jacket looked as if they were by WB. Uncanny, but true.)
to clear my mistakenly-maligned name.
"Well, if you didn't deserve the belt that time, doubtless you did
my reputation had been unfairly tarnished by another's actions. Younger
Thing is, it's only recently occurred to me that Kim may have pushed
me simply to attract my attention, in that "I like you, so I'll pretend I don't
like you!" sort of way. Who knows what might've happened if indeed that
with a voice like BLUTO from POPEYE - would you? Could you?
Anyway, I've publicly put the record straight and finally righted
a nearly 40 year-old miscarriage of justice. Now where do I apply
For Part One of Schooltime Scandals, click here.