On August 1st it was 36 years since my family (sans brother) returned to my current (and hopefully final) house after 4 years away in another neighbourhood. On August 2nd it was 35 years since I revisited, for the very first time, the previous home we'd lived in prior to first moving here in 1972. (Hope that's not too confusing.) In 1988 we'd been back in this house for a year and a day when, by prior arrangement with the woman who'd lived here before us and with whose family we'd originally swapped houses, I revisited my former address 16 years after flitting when I was a mere 13 and a half year-old teenager.
I was then only 29 years-old on that first return visit so 16 years was more than half my life up to that moment. It seemed like we'd moved only a day earlier, but paradoxically, also many years more than that at the same time. Maybe it was because I was yet a schoolboy in 1972, but had been a working man from a mere 2 or 3 years after that, right up to 1988 (not counting occasional periods of unemployment between jobs). Hard to believe that I've now been back in this house for more than twice the duration I'd been away from its predecessor when I returned for a visit. Time runs away from us all, eh?
Back then, barring accidents or illness, I had more life ahead than behind me, but now it's the reverse of that, sadly. That's one of the things we lose as time passes - the sense (or illusion, if you will) of eternity that accompanies us in our youth, but also fades along with it. When we get to a certain age, every friend, neighbour, or family member who dies reminds us of our own mortality and that we've now taken up residence in Death's waiting room, waiting for our name to be called. (And that concludes Crivens' cheery thought for the day.)
Do you ever consider such grave thoughts, Crivs, or do you prefer to leave them dead and buried in the depths of your subconscious lest they haunt your waking hours? (See what I did there?) Feel free to comment if you so desire.
******
We are but older children, dear, Who fret to find our bedtime near.
Lewis Carroll
17 comments:
I've mentioned before that my only sibling was my sister, Lucy, who died aged 19 in April 1988 when I was 22 so any youthful illusion of eternity vanished forever at that moment. I've been lucky to reach the age of 57 without ever suffering any health problems but I know that the Grim Reaper walks close behind me and I'm grateful for every extra day that I elude him.
And sometimes he waits ahead of us, CJ, to jump out when we're not expecting him. I imagine that not a day passes without you thinking of Lucy, eh?
Kid, regarding the houses, according to Thomas Wolfe, "You can never go back". However, being told you can't go back, Gatsby replied: "Of course you can!" (The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald - stating the obvious mode.) So, paradoxically, both are simultaneously true.
Regarding your second point, my deceased parents now regularly appear in my dreams - both separately and together. Strangely, there's also a wistful quality to my dreams now, with my town's newsagent being a frequent setting - albeit the dream newsagent's much larger than in reality - the size of a large city's newsagent, in fact! Perhaps newsagents, surfacing from the subconscious, evoke childhood's security (i.e. buying comics there).
Apologies! Nothing's more boring than someone else's dreams - apparently!
Colin, your sister must have been the same age as Upper Sixth pupils, when I was in Lower Sixth. For that to happen, at such a positive time (as I remember it), must have been beyond heartbreaking. My father's birthday was on August 10th, so I'm already planning my trip the cemetery. Hope the rain isn't pouring down, as it is today!
Phillip
You may find my post 'A Wolfe In Past's Clothing...?' of interest, P, if you haven't already read it. I have dreams where I'm in one of my former houses, go downstairs - and I'm in another former house (or even my current one). I also have dreams in which my dog is still alive, as well as other deceased people. As Lewis Carroll wrote:
Ever drifting down the stream -
Lingering in the golden gleam -
Life, what is it but a dream!
That post sounds interesting, Kid. A couple of dream quotes that stick in my mind are Prospero's
"We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep",
in the Tempest. Also, Poe's
"Is all that we see or seem / But a dream within a dream?"
But yours is a blog about wistful memories, and nostalgia...so I don't want to veer too far away!
Phillip
Glad to hear that you seem to appreciate my humble efforts, P. Are you a new reader, or someone who's been here for a while?
Newish - I've dropped in occasionally, but only more recently started to "get" what your blog is about. Keep up the good work!
Phillip
Cheers.
Kid, Phillip is a regular contributor to Steve Does Comics so when I saw his comments on Crivens a couple of days ago (about putting tape on old comics) I wasn't sure at first if it was the same Phillip but I'm glad to see it is.
Phil, my sister was born on September 1st 1968 so she was just over a year older than you (I know your date of birth as you mentioned it on SDC). Funnily enough I almost never dream about her or my parents.
Let's hope he becomes a regular commenter on Crivens too, CJ.
And what I want to know is - what DO you dream about?
What do you think of the new monster fun
Issue the petrifying pets special
Haven't seen it, but I bought the first few new MF issues. Professionally produced, but not the MF that I remember.
Interesting post and topic for discussion Kid. I imagine that a lot of your readers are of a certain age and such a topic as this would resonate with them, as it does with me.
As for me, I'm in my mid-sixties and on the threshold of retirement, though as I resigned at the end of last year from a stressful job in a toxic workplace that was taking its toll on both my physical and mental health, I guess I can claim to be semi-retired, as they say, at the moment.
I'm finding that as I get older such thoughts as you've expressed here cross my mind more often. You are right about the impression of time that youth brings, with many more years ahead than behind, but as you move through life and tick off the boxes relating to finishing school, university, getting a job, getting married, starting a family, having that family grow to adults and move out to continue their journey along that path you find that the boxes left to tick dwindle in number and the many years that lay ahead are now behind you.
A scary state of affairs that I try not to let settle in my thoughts for too long. I don't feel the age that I am unless uncharitably reminded of the fact by any mirror that I may catch my reflection in! Mirrors - what do they know!
So, in a bit of a paradox, I try to live in the moment and seek out new experiences but also find myself reading books and comics, watching TV series and movies and listening to music from a time (usually the 70s) when I was a much younger man and had all of that time still to live through.
Aside from the fact that I enjoy such pursuits maybe it's an attempt to be taken back to those times and experience again the state of mind that I had then. Who knows? - one for the head-shrinkers to answer.
The odd thing is, PC, that I've always had a fear of dying since the age of 3 or 4 (for that story, see my post 'Second Star To The Right...'), but it abated somewhat in my teenage years, mostly held at bay by that aforesaid illusion of immortality that all teenagers seem to have. Unfortunately, I've started to feel my age (around the same age as you) due to various health issues, though I've only recently started to look my age - perhaps because of those self-same health issues, and I find I have just about no energy for anything nowadays. What scares me is that even if I live to my mid-80s (which isn't a bad run), that's only 20 years (and a few months) away, and if they go by as quickly as the last 20 years (and they'll probably pass at least twice as fast) I'll be dead before I know it. (Maybe the best way - if there is such a thing - to die.) Like you, I try not to dwell on such matters, but I find it difficult to ignore for long. A few people I knew when I was a kid have died over the last couple of years, and that's a sure-fire way of being reminded of one's own mortality - not that I need much reminding.
Ah, if only I could be a child forever. Not much to ask surely?
Aah my good friend the Grim Reaper. Luckily I missed a couple of his visits. But hey he will grab me at some stage . The thing that concerns me is my mighty collection of Corgi Cars, Crater Critters etc. Hopefully my son's won't send them to the tip... Just stay away Grim Reaper stay away !
(Originally posted 20 August 2023 at 08:04)
He'll grab all of us at some stage, LH, hopefully it'll be much later rather than sooner. I do fret about what'll happen to my collection of everything when the time comes. Glad to see you're still around.
(Originally posted 20 August 2023 at 11:02)
Oops, my response to PC was originally posted on 20 August at I forget what time, but I corrected a typo, hence me reposting it (and subsequent comments).
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