Tuesday 31 December 2019

REFLECTIVE REPOST: TO SLEEP, PERCHANCE TO DIE...


I've been just too busy to come up with a new post for Hogmanay, but despair not, faithful Crivvies.  I've dusted down an old post, tweaked it a bit, added a pertinent paragraph that I nicked from another (of mine), and hopefully it'll suffice to see out 2019.  If not, applications for refunds will only be entertained upon production of a valid receipt.

******

When you're young, you have absolutely no concept of never having existed.  On an intellectual level (if you ever felt disposed to consider the matter), you know there was a time when you weren't around, but you can't truly conceive what it was like because non-existence is a difficult if not impossible state to imagine.

Think of any period in mankind's history from before you were born; the Old West, the Victorian Era, the 1920s or '30s - whatever.  Even though you never experienced them, you almost feel as if you have, thanks to history books, old photographs, artists' impressions, TV shows, historical fiction, movies, etc.  And because you can't remember your beginning, it seems as if you never actually had one and that you've been around forever.  At least, that's what it seems like to me.

Consequently, when I was a teenager of 14, I subconsciously laboured under the impression that I had always been.  (Though the same perception also applies to any point in my childhood from when I first became aware of my surroundings.)  It's unlikely that I was alone in that regard, and it's surely the same for 14-year-olds today.  It's only because fourteen years to someone of my age passes so quickly that I finally realized just how inconsequential such a period of time actually is.  I've got things lying around the house which have never been out of the wrappers since I bought them that are older than that.

As you inexorably inch closer to that time when the condition of non-existence threatens to once again engulf you, it's a prospect you tend to contemplate more than you did (if at all) in your younger days.  Finally, you begin to be able to nearly catch a glimmer of what extinction might be like, and the prospect isn't a pleasant one.  I recall waking up in hospital one day after a procedure which required my unconsciousness, and was alarmed to find I had no recollection of even a half-sleep-like state between being knocked out and coming to.

As I said, no half-remembered thoughts, vague dreams, or hovering on the edge of awareness to connect me to my pre-anaesthetised self - only an absolute absence of even the slightest sense of continuity between the two conditions.  It was then that I realised what oblivion must be like.  It was as if I'd been dead for however many hours I'd been out, and, although my body was still functioning, as far as my mind was concerned, there was no discernible difference between death and unconsciousness.

So, death is not merely a case of not waking up, it's also not even being aware of going to sleep or being asleep at any stage in the process.  Shakespeare was wrong; there are no dreams in the sleep of death, only a blackness and silence from which we never awaken - an eternal nothingness, an everlasting night.

That's no doubt why I often find myself wishing I was only 14 again.  (Come to think of it, I wouldn't even mind being half that age.)  The illusion of no beginning (and, by extension, no ending), while temporary, is a comforting and necessary notion, otherwise we'd probably abandon our journey before we were very far into it.  After all, what's the point of taking a road to nowhere?

Soon, the New Year will be upon us, and we'll toast it as the harbinger of new hope and new beginnings, conveniently forgetting that it's a false friend who promises much, but delivers little - with each and every visit leaving us only less time to look forward to than we had before.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to work on that elixir of life I'm developing.  I just can't afford to relax if I want to be here in 2119.

******

We are but older children, dear,
Who fret to find our bedtime near.

Lewis Carroll.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, CRIV-ITES!

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

My late father was born in the 1920s (1927) and now I'm on the threshold of the 2020s - it's got nothing to do with the topic but for me it's a poignant thought on this New Decade's Eve.

I wish you well for the 2020s, Kid :)

Kid said...

In 2027 it'll be 100 years since he was born, eh, CJ. What age will you be then? And all the best to you, too, in the New Year.

Dave S said...

I sometimes find it amazing that we've gone past the date of a lot of the 'futuristic' stories I read in comics or books as a child.

For instance, I remember reading a Transformers comic set in 2006 in the 80s and thinking it was the distant future. I tried to imagine what my life would be like in 2006 (and was completely wrong).

Not sure how much this has to do with your post, Kid, but it just occurred to me to mention it!

Happy New Year when it comes, Kid. And to all the regulars on the blog too.

Kid said...

Not only that, DS, the original Dan Dare was set in the late '90s, so we're well past that date as well. I'm just happy to get a response to my posts, so I'm not too fussy if comments pertain to what I've written or not. And a Happy New Year to you and yours.

Christopher Nevell said...

Happy New Year Kid!

Kid said...

And a Happy New Year to you, CN - and many more of them.

McSCOTTY said...

I had a similar experience having to be unconscious for a minor op and being amazed that I had no memory at all of going to sleep and being unconscious for 4 hours, it felt like no time at all passed. I found it comforting in some sense that if this is all there is then going away takes time at all.2020 is starting to feel to me like time is getting on , of course for many folk it's just another year ith lots more to go just like 1971 etc was to me.

Kid said...

Funny thing is, McS, I can't quite get my head around the fact that we're now (and have been for a while) living in the 21st century and that it's 2020. Sometimes I feel as if it's STILL 1971. Scary, eh? And Happy New Year again anyway.

Philip Crawley said...

I can't believe that we are now 20 years into the 21st century! - a century that seemed so far off into the distant future whan I was at school and yet here we all are. Where does the time go?! (second by second, day by day and ever on)

My mantra of enjoy the moment is all very well but whole moments can go by and I've been too distracted to enjoy them (sometimes caught up in a less than enjoyable other moment). I guess that we are all a work-in-progress as people and my moment-enjoying endeavour is something that I have to remind myself about from time to time. (see what I did there, oh well never mind).

Happy New Year anyway.

Kid said...

Yeah, I know what you mean - frightening, isn't it? Anyway, hope you had a smashing Christmas, PC, and that you (and everyone) have plenty enjoyable moments in 2020.

Anonymous said...

You'll be happy now your rival is ending his comic blog. Glad to see him go? Maybe you'll get more readers. Not me because your blog's s*it.

Kid said...

I wasn't aware that I had any rivals. Who are you talking about exactly? There's at least four people out there in Bloggerland who aren't fans of mine. And no one's forcing anybody to read my humble posts, so don't feel obliged to.

McSCOTTY said...

Ahh 2020 the 21st century and still adults acting like children in the playground - pathetic . But nice grown up reply . Its Lews blog that I think s/he is alluding to Kid ( which I'm personally sorry to see end)

Kid said...

I remember you saying in an earlier comment somewhere that a few blogs were ending, but you didn't say which ones, McS. What are the other ones coming to an end? I guess people are switching to Facebook now for some reason.

McSCOTTY said...

Well at that time I mentioned that some said they ended but only went intoa hiatus like Howies world of comics which is back, but Lews Blimey has ended as has Black white and Bronze and a few others I cant recall at present. On the other hand Diversions of the Groovy kind is coming back after a year ooff etc

Kid said...

Ah right, I wondered. I'll have to think about deleting a few from my bloglist, as I notice some haven't posted for years. It all depends how good their archives are though, 'cos some are worth keeping even if they're no longer posting. And I trust Mr McS and his dear lady have had a good New Year thus far?

McSCOTTY said...

Yeah I notice a lot of blogs have ended on most people's listssime over 5 years ago. We had a nice but very busy time over Christmas, New Year Kid thanks for asking. Hope you had fun as well.

Kid said...

I have fun all year round, McS, so I take a break at Christmas and New Year to try and experience being miserable. (Just to see what it feels like. Ho ho!) Cheers.

Phil S said...

Happy roaring 20s Kid!

Lionel Hancock said...

I will always remember 2001 A Space Odyssey as the movie that made me blink...wow the future...miles away...bloody hell its 2020. 19 years after the movie I was KOed with was set. Only seemed like yesterday we were being prepped for the millenium bug.

Kid said...

Likewise, PS. I want to be here in 2120 as well.

******

As they say, LH, hours crawl, years fly. Talking of 2001 ASO, I don't think I've ever seen it. Caught wee bits of it, but not all of it. Still got the soundtrack tape I bought back in the '70s though.



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