Or: The things that make up our lives...
I was having a little think earlier through the week. Big thinks tire me out, so little thinks are easier on my mind, I find, and are much more manageable. I was thinking about how our lives, or perceptions of them at any point - are so inextricably linked to lots of variable factors that surround us at the time. For example, your perception of a certain time or place in your life is influenced by the comics you read, the TV shows you watched, the friends you hung around with, where you worked, etc.
Yeah, granted, I'm stating the obvious, but the thing about the obvious is that we don't always pay attention to it. It's right in front of us, so we tend to look past it while trying to see the wider picture. The things that influence your perception of a place - a house or neighbourhood for example - alter over time, and as those things change, so, gradually, might your perception of it.
Should you then move from one domicile to another before your perception changes, and are still watching the same TV shows, buying the same comics, and still have the same furniture as in your previous home, then a sense of continuity and consistency in terms of mood, ambiance, perception, exists from one house to the next. (It'd probably be different if you emigrated to another country, but I'm talking about more local flits.)
However, as time passes, new TV shows come and old ones go (and the same for comics and furniture) and the 'timbre' (figuratively speaking) of your home, hearth - and, indeed, life - gradually changes, and becomes different to what it had been, taking on almost another 'personality' that may not always be an improvement on the original (though sometimes it might be). It's then that dissatisfaction may creep in, as your home and neighbourhood no longer supplies the sense of the familiar that you were once so comfortable with.
Sure, these days you can still watch repeats of all the classic TV shows (on Freeview channels) that you watched in your youth, but you're now aware that they really belong in a different 'universe' (the past) which you can tap into every so often if you wish, but are no longer contemporaneous, current, new, now, in the way that they were when you were growing up with them. Once you reach a certain age, a partition seems to come down and separate you from your past, whereas, up to that point, that partition was imperceptible and always open - if, in fact, it even existed.
As most regular readers will know, after living in my current house for 11 years, my family moved to another neighbourhood, then moved back to our former house four years later. At first everything was pretty much the same, but gradually things started to change, affecting the 'mood' of the place. Neighbours flitted, extensions were built (on other houses, not mine), lampposts, pavements, and street signs were replaced, green areas in front of houses were turned into car parking spaces, buildings on the horizon were demolished and replaced, as well as other changes, like local shops disappearing.
So now the 'ambience' of the place is different to what it used to be, and I find myself yearning for how things were when we first flitted here back in 1972. That'll never happen of course, but sometimes I lie on top of my bed in the room that was mine when I was yet 13 (and a half), with a book or comic that I owned back then (or a replacement) and pretend that everything outside the closed curtains of my bedroom window is still the same as when I was much younger. It's my way of trying to re-create the 'perception' I had of the house and area when we first moved here.
It's an illusion of course (some might say a delusion), and one which I can't sustain for any great length of time, but perhaps the more I exercise the fantasy, the easier (and stronger) it will get. Any Crivvies do anything similar in their quest to relive the 'atmosphere' of pleasant moments from the past? Or did you let it escape years ago and never bother to try and recapture it? The comments section awaits your input - if you're interested.
14 comments:
I have commented on your desire to recreate your childhood before. I do often take a literal walk, with my dog of course, down memory lane around my old neighbourhood. Funny how the good memories flood back and not the bad ones which were plenty as my parents battled it out in a messy divorce. The area is much the same as there are no shops in the area. Just the usual... double glazing, new front doors etc. Did however recently see an old neighbour who must be in her mid eighties now. Had not seen her since 1969!
Cheers
Ken
One of the good things I liked about having a dog (22 years ago now) was the fact that I could take her strolls around my old neighbourhoods, K, and remember how things were. And it was easier back then because not too many changes had occurred. I sometimes have dreams about places from my past, where they've remained untouched by time - I'm disappointed when I awake from those kind of dreams to be honest. Just think, your neighbour would only have been around her mid-30s in 1969 - a staggering 51 years ago.
I used to get that nostalgic visceral association with re-purchasing old comics that I first read as a kid , but as the years have passed I get that "hit" less and less. An as I've moved house and town quite a few times when living with my parents and on my own/ my partner so I don't have that strong link to a particular house and my last two primary schools were knocked down and my secondary school is now posh flats .
Sadly, all three schools (2 primaries, 1 secondary) I attended have been demolished, McS, but oddly (and most people who know me would concur that I AM odd), I feel a strong link to every house I've ever lived in, which, again, is odd, because I have no memory of living in Great George Street in the West End as my family flitted when I was 1 and a half. However, just the fact that I know I lived there draws me to the place somehow, and I often wonder what my life would have been like and what kind of person I'd be if I'd grown up a City boy instead of a New Townie.
I've mentioned before that I was born in Islington then we moved to near Inverness and finally to South Wales all by the time I was two years old so I'm not able to easily visit my earliest homes! But I often think of the house I grew up in from the age of 2 and which my parents lived in till they died.
Any desire to live there again, CJ?
I think of that house fondly, Kid, but in truth I wouldn't want to live there again because it was in a village stuck in the middle of nowhere. I now live in the town centre a mere five-minute walk from the shops which suits me fine.
If you won 99 squillion quid on the Lottery, would you buy it and then take turns living in it? You know, use it like a holiday home? That's what I'd do.
If I won a good amount of money I wouldn't buy any old home I previously lived in but I might move back to Cambuslang/Rutherglen area where my earliest memories are from but would be to a nice posh bit. I would probably be more inclined though to move to Glasgow West end area and buy up lots of old comics from 1965 to 1974ish.
I'd also buy my Great George Street apartment, plus a fancy town house in Park Circus, McS, just so I had a choice of where I wanted to live at different times of the year (or even the day). Then I'd buy every comic (and toy) I remember owning. I've got a good few of them as it is, but having every one would be nice.
If I won the lottery, I'd buy the flat I grew up in, and the one next door. One to live in, one to turn into a library for all my books and stuff, with a few couches and armchairs dotted about to flop into for some reading.
I'd also buy the houses either side of where I am now and luxuriate in peace and quiet. Then I'd set up a museum of childhood somewhere to display comics and toys from the '50s to the '70s, as well as a few retro toys after that.
Didn't you intend to apply for a lottery grant to create your museum, Kid? Whatever happened to that?
I still intend to investigate the possibility, CJ - just haven't got around to it yet.
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