Regular readers may remember me mentioning living down in Southsea in Portsmouth for 3-4 months back in 1981. I was there in response to the invitation from a friend to visit him for an indefinite stay, but when I got there he stayed well-clear, and apart from me seeing him for around 10 minutes at his naval base (HMS Vernon) the day after my arrival, and again for maybe 15-20 minutes in a canteen at Haslar Hospital in Gosport the week before I returned home, the only other time our paths crossed was when I spotted him by chance on his Moped one day and waved him down for a few minutes of chat.
His birthday was on February 17th so I'd bought him a card, but held on to it assuming I'd see him before his 'big day' and give it to him in person - alas, 'twas not to be. (I'd arrived in Southsea towards the end of January and purchased the card at the start of February.) Like I said, things didn't pan out that way, but it's just as well I didn't post it because he wouldn't have received it anyway as he was no longer living in navy married quarters (as I learned when I last saw him), but either on the base in Gosport or HMS Vernon. I never spoke to him again and only learned in September of 2023 that he died in January of 2013.
As for the birthday card, it came home with me and lay forgotten in a box for 44 years, but I recently thought of a way whereby it could finally fulfil its purpose (sort of) by placing it on my mantlepiece in February of this year. Sure, its intended recipient never got to see it, but I felt kind of sorry for it and wanted it to have its moment of 'glory' by being the object of attention in my living-room on the date it would've celebrated back in 1981. This way, things have come full circle (again, sort of) and the forgotten card at long last has done what it was purchased for so many decades ago. That's a happy ending (sort of), isn't it?
I think it's a rather melancholy thing to do, Kid, but I can understand that it somehow brings a sense of closure to that whole episode in 1981. It must have been mystifying and hurtful for you to head down south and then be "ghosted" (as the young people say) by your friend. Do you ever have a yearning to jump on a train and head back to Pompey to revisit old haunts?
ReplyDeleteI returned to Pompey in 1985 at the start of my freelance career and was there for another 3 months at least, but although I do have yearnings to revisit from time-to-time, I'm not sure I could withstand the rigours of the journey, B. Also, to see how the place has changed (no Tricorn, no Debenhams, no Lloyds Bank next to the fountain, no HMS Vernon or Haslar Hospital, etc.), well, it might be too much for me. (Is Landports still there?) Maybe one day I'll return again, but not in the near future. (I spent a few days there in 1985 or '86, just for a short break.)
DeleteBeware open-ended invitations! Many years ago, a friend working abroad invited myself and another friend to visit him. Flights booked, our friend working abroad suddenly announced he couldn't put us up, as - on that date - he'd be attending a football match with friends. Other commitments were taking up his time, besides. Such individuals make commitments - or what seem like commitments - whilst still wanting to keep all their options open. It's like they don't feel constrained by any particular arrangement. Your friend's uncharacteristic behaviour - lies, etc - wasn't always his want, so I suppose his invitation falling flat couldn't have been predicted. My friend, in retrospect, didn't honour another commitment previously. This failure happening outside of our friendship group, however, a 'blip' was all I viewed that as, rather than a pattern of behaviour, relating specifically to his own character. The money lost on that debacle isn't something I've forgotten - nor did the other friend who lost money
ReplyDeletePhillip
Actually, P, telling lies was totally characteristic of him, and I'd told him in December of 1980 that I'd be coming down in the New Year, but that I'd get my own place to stay so as not to inconvenience him and his wife. What mystified me was his seeming unwillingness to meet up from time-to-time considering it was him who invited me. I wasn't really out of any money (aside from the cost of the fare) so that didn't really bother me, but I do have my suspicions about his behaviour. See my post 'The True-Life Tale Of Nicky Hunt...' for details - it's the same guy.
DeleteYou do like to imbue inanimate objects with life kid, it's only paper. The real reason was deep down you wanted to say goodbye to your old pal.- ya bidmg softy. Saying that why you would bother after his actions is beyond me but perhaps that says more about you as a person than your old pal. I have had some friends from my past that in hindsight I question why I ever let them into my life . Good friends stay and treat you with respect this poor lad obviously had issues but that still doesn't excuse his treatment of you.
ReplyDeleteActually, McS, it's only card, not paper, so raaassssspppp!!! I think it was more about enabling the card to fulfil its purpose after 44 years than it was about my former pal himself, but that said, I'm a bit more relaxed in my attitude towards him now that he's dead than I was when he yet lived. Although he became a bit of a t*sser in his grown-up years, I still have fond memories of our childhood adventures together and I can't throw them out without also jettisoning a large part of my childhood itself.
DeleteMy birthday is on February 17th too, Kid, so can I count that card as a belated birthday card for ME?
ReplyDeleteYeah, go on, if you like, CJ. Though it says 'To: Alan, From: Gordon' inside, so you'll just have to imagine your name's there, too.
DeleteTo: CJ, From: Kid - how nice of you to think of me, Kid!
ReplyDeleteI know - ain't I a great guy?!
DeleteThe most depressing thing about birthday cards is the older you get, the less you get. The price of cards is getting ridiculous as well. You can't even rely on Card Factory now for a 99p card. For something that is cheap to produce and ultimately gets thrown away, I can't justify spending pounds on a piece of card. The wife and I are at the recycling stage. And don't even get me started on the cost of stamps.....
ReplyDeleteTrue, M, though this was back in 1981 remember, when everything was so much cheaper than today. Having said that, although I wrote his name and address on the envelope, I'm glad I never put a stamp on it and kept it so that I could hand the card over in person.
DeleteInvitations! The one thing I truely shy away from now. I remember back in the day, when my joints didn't protest so much. I received a very warm invitation to come over and watch a Movie, from a girl I was wooing at the time. Well? So after 6 weeks, I thought this was the night, so I splashed on some Aramis and showed up on the doorstep keen, only to find her Mum, Grandma and Sister, also sitting there loaded up with popcorn, and primed to....Yes! actually watch the said Movie. There followed, no! Imagined evening of pent-up passion, but two hours of awkwardness, small talk and shear agony. The Movie finished, which was pants! I left, and never looked back....She did ask my friend at the time, 'why? I'd lost interest', so he told her, 'I wasn't into foursomes', while she apparently stood there bemused.
ReplyDeleteMum, grandma, sister, her, and YOU, AAW - that's fivesomes, surely? Maybe you should've invited her back to your place for a spot of tonsil-hockey? If she'd turned up with her mum, grandma, and sister as chaperones, she probably wasn't that 'into' you, she was merely using your ardour to stroke her ego. Women - can't live with them, can't shoot them! What's a guy to do?
DeleteKid, there was plenty of stroking alright? I just wrongly assumed she was giving me the key to the sweet shop. Yeah! I wasn't considering the Granny as one of the party, but maths correction appreciated. Young foolish, fool me. Maybe she could sense I was trying to go for gold, without doing some laps first. What's a guy to do? 'Avoid Movie invitations from hotties! Unless of course it's at your own place!' 'Just like you do Kid, with your babes of the week'. I have to look back and laugh, now i'm a moderately grown up, world and women weiry chap....
ReplyDeleteAlthough womanless at the moment (except when the babes call round of course), I take great satisfaction from the fact that I can go out with any woman I please. (Unfortunately, I just can't please any.) [Thanks for that one, Benny.]
Delete