I received a text message from a pal almost a week ago, telling me that someone we both knew had died. He'd had cancer, but at only 58 he was taken far too soon. He was one of a group who used to hang around with me on occasion, either all together or in smaller divisions. There were six of them in all, and one of me, so I suppose, had I been clever enough to think of it at the time, I would probably have considered us my town's equivalent of The Magnificent Seven.
There was me, Stuart, Alex (or Alec), Dougie, Tony, Laurie, and Ricky (aka 'Britt'), and I was odd man out I suppose, in that they all knew one another (four of them being two sets of brothers, so it wasn't hard) before I arrived on the scene. In a previous post, I recounted the story of how I acquired the nickname of 'Kid' as a teenager (which you can read by clicking here), and three, perhaps four of the lads alluded to in that post were from the above-mentioned group.
Because I was a year or two older than the others, they tended to regard me as the 'leader', which wasn't a position I aspired to, but it usually just naturally falls on the shoulders of 'the elder of the tribe', doesn't it? Nowadays they'd probably laugh at the very idea of such a thing, perhaps even deny it, but when a trio of neds started a fight with three or four of us one night, I was the one expected to defend the group's honour, while they stood quite a distance behind me. It fell on me to take the blows and return them, though actually I was only hit once before I swung into action.
Anyway, 'Britt' died a good number of years ago, and I only learned of it long after the event a handful or so years back, and Tony died on Friday or Saturday. There's only a couple of the guys I'm still pally with, but as one of them lives in England somewhere, I haven't seen or heard from him in years. It's sad to see the ranks diminish, even when they've moved on, married, had kids, and left their old lives behind. Nothing in my life has really changed in 35 years, so I sometimes feel frozen in time, while everyone else has climbed several other rungs up the ladder of life.
It all seems like only yesterday to me, so clear and fresh are the escapades we got up to and the happy times we shared as teenagers. Hard to believe that the old group is now two members short at the table, and I can't help but morbidly wonder who might be next. Is it wrong to hope that it isn't me? Do you ever think of departed friends and keep their memory alive in your mind, or have they faded over time like the scent of summer carried off on the evening breeze?
I know that it's wrong of me to say but on occasion I do wonder about a couple of guys who gave me a hard time in my early school years (aged about 6-11) and hope that they are now dead. They no doubt moved on with their lives oblivious to the emotional scars that they left on others so if they've gone then good riddance I say.
ReplyDeleteOkay, with that spot of vitriol out of the way (theraputic?), I didn't have more than a couple of friends during most of my school years, being a bit of a loner, and as I'm basically a hermit by nature that didn't worry me, but in the last 10 years or so I did wonder how the people that I went to art school with in the late 70s were doing, by far my most cherished school memories - who could not like being a teenager in the 70s?,the music, the movies, comics, pop culture in general, though I don't think that term was in use then.
Anyhow through a chance coincidence I did have occasion to catch up with my college chums about a year ago and enjoyed it immensely. We all got on so well at the time that we fell back into conversation with ease. Once I got over how much older everyone now looked it was a shock to think about how much time had passed since we were all together (nearly 35 years!). Most had families, one was a grandparent even and one had died of cancer about 10 years earlier though I never knew, having moved away from my home town when I was 22 and lost contact. Photos were passed around and we laughed at the 70s fashions and hairstyles (when some of us still had hair!) and the evening flew by.
Not sure when or if I'll see any of them again but the past is done and all you have is memories (or memorabilia in our case) but I did feel a sense of closure having caught up again after all that time to see how our respective lives had played out. I was one of the few that ended up in an art-related job I was surprised to discover.
I find myself thinking that way about an older man who obviously intended to molest me when I was around 14 or 15, PC. I know it's wrong of me (especially as I managed to extricate myself from the situation without him laying a finger on me), but who knows how many other teenage boys he tried it on with and perhaps 'seduced'? Funnily enough, a friend and me were in Glasgow around three weeks ago, trawling round charity shops, and we found ourselves in the same street where the guy had lived back in the early '70s. I was tempted to enter the tenement building and chap one of the doors to see if anyone could tell me if he was still alive, but I decided in this one instance to leave the past where it was. And how would I have reacted to find out he still lived there as a very old man? However, I found myself hoping that I wasn't the only 'one who got away'.
ReplyDeleteI too had only a few friends at school (if as many as a 'few'), being a quiet, insular boy who was regarded as a bit of a 'loner'. I still am today. Some loners are born, some become loners, and others are loners because nobody wants to know them. I think I'm in the second category. Strangely, I find myself slightly saddened when I hear of people I didn't even like at school having died. I suppose that's because, like them or not, they're part of my childhood.
One of the things that surprised me when I was a comics freelancer for 15 years, was that I was the only person that I knew of who was working in what everyone who knew me when we were kids assumed I'd be doing as a 'grown-up'. I'm sure there must be others, but if any of then ever became astronauts, pop stars, or movie actors, I never heard about it. At least I've still got my hair and my teeth, but I suppose age catches up with all of us in the end, eh?
Guess I'm not as charitable as you in looking back with any degree of favor on the people that bullied me at school, I know it's a character flaw and one that I have tried to change but I do tend to hold a grudge.
ReplyDeleteAnd as for the hair, I tend to focus more on what's inside people's heads than on what's on top of it - but hey, still have all of my own teeth too!
Oh, believe me, PC, I'm world champion at holding grudges, but I was never really bullied at school. It was tried a couple of times in secondary, but I found, cliched as it sounds, that when I stood up to them, they backed down. It helped that I sprouted a bit and was bigger than most of them as well.
ReplyDeleteAlas, I don't have ALL my own teeth, only most of them. However, the ones I have are all mine, with no pretenders backing them up.
You may think it odd that I described myself as a bit of a loner when I had six pals to team around with, but I was always a bit aloof. They all drank and smoked (and were into football), whereas I didn't. Consequently, there were times when I preferred my own company and would leave them to it. There's nothing worse than half a dozen drunk teenagers all talking p*sh.
Sorry to hear about your friend . I sometimes think about my old enemies at school but realize I no longer care about them. In fact I can barely remember their names. I know one of my friends just became a grandad which scares me no end. Thank you Facebook .
ReplyDeleteYeah, the clock's ticking for all of us, PS. When someone goes, it reminds us that we're in the queue. Having Internet problems at the moment, so won't be able to reply again until they're sorted out. Using a neighbour's computer, but don't want to milk it.
ReplyDelete