Care Homes. The name is a bit of a misnomer, unless it's referring to the chief 'care' of such places, which is making money. Let me tell you a little about Care Homes, of which I have experience on account of my mother being in one for four years on the 25th of this month. She's 103 (104 in May), has Alzheimer's and cancer, and she's been in it since 2022 and in all that time it's been nothing but a continual stream of complaints from me about the way in which she's 'looked after'. I'm more or less satisfied with the way she's fed and watered in their 'one-size-fits-all' standard of care, but when it comes to specific requirements relating to my mother's particular condition, they don't have a scooby - or if they do, they ignore it.
When I visit, the floor is very often filthy as are the two tables in her room, which the night-shift staff seem unwilling or incapable of wiping unless I ask them, obviously preferring to leave such tasks to the cleaners in the morning. My mother has two hearing aids, which often are left with dead or dying batteries in them, leaving her unable to hear. Sometimes they have no batteries at all, and when I ask staff to fit new ones, the response is "I don't know where they're kept" or on a few occasions "I don't know how to fit them" The last time I was told this, I asked the woman how long she'd worked in the place and was told "Four years". Simply staggering.
Also, on the back of the battery pack, it says to wait for 60 seconds after removing the orange stickers before inserting, but the staff don't usually bother waiting, meaning the new batteries aren't 100% effective. They also don't press the reset button on the hearing aids after inserting batteries, which, again, means they remain ineffective. I wouldn't trust most of these people to look after a goldfish, never mind a human being. They're supposed to check my mother's hearing aids every few hours, and though they mark down that they have, they clearly haven't bothered. Only recently, I was told that new batteries had been inserted earlier in the morning, but my mother didn't even know when I was speaking to her. When I checked her two hearing aids, one had a battery and the other didn't. So much for new batteries being fitted that morning.
Due to my mother's Alzheimer's, I had asked for her hearing aids and their receptacles to be stored in the reception office at bedtime, to prevent her putting them in before visiting the toilet through the small hours and then forgetting to remove them when she returned to bed. She also has tinnitus, meaning she often hears noises in her inner ear canal which she thinks are 'exterior' noises, resulting in her fitting her hearing aids in the small hours of the morning to see if she can identify their source. She fits them to go to the en suite toilet, then forgets to take them out when she returns to bed, which has resulted in them getting broken on several occasions as she's wearing them while asleep. Due to her befuddled state, she sometimes puts her dentures in the hearing aid receptacles, which makes a helluva mess.
Because of these issues, I asked for her hearing aids and receptacles not to be kept in her room through the night as she didn't need them at 2 a.m. (or whatever) to go to the toilet, and this was agreed upon by management. Staff, however, had a different idea, and despite assuring me several times that this was being followed, weren't actually doing so, as I found out one night when a member of staff inadvertently let slip that the items were left in her room overnight.
I decided to check, so I dropped in at 1 a.m. one morning to find my mother fully dressed and fast asleep, slumped in her armchair in front of the TV, which along with her room light was still on. 1 a.m. - terrible. When I questioned staff as to why my mother wasn't in bed, one of them produced what looked like an envelope, on the back of which was written a list of names and room numbers. Every name had 'assist' written next to it, with the exception of my mother's, which said 'leave'. This was despite me telling staff and management (from day one) that my mother's bedtime was 10 p.m. However, sometimes my mother retired to her bed early, and some clueless 'senior carer' took it upon herself to decide that if my mother could put herself to bed at 7 or 8 p.m., she was likewise capable of going to bed at 10 without assistance.
Trouble with that was my mother would sit up watching TV until she fell asleep in her chair, and because she wasn't being checked, that could be in the wee small hours. Trusting anyone with Alzheimer's to look after themselves properly by going to bed at a reasonable and regular time is ridiculous - they're in a care home because they can't be relied on to look after themselves, yet the numpties in my mother's place apparently think otherwise. Often when I visited, my mother had been left in bed most or all of the day and when I enquired as to why, I was told "because she wanted a lie in". Well, of course she did, being knackered as she wasn't helped to bed at 10 p.m., which is when I said from day one was my mother's bedtime. But nah, why listen to the person who looked after her by himself for years, eh, and who knows what's best for her based on personal experience?
They just seemed incapable of understanding that her limbs and mind would further atrophy if she was left in bed for hours, and sometimes she would just stare at the ceiling when I visited as her mind had essentially closed down through lack of any kind of physical and mental stimulation. They don't care, however, as all they're really interested in is their cigarette breaks and doing as little as they can get away with. Recently, over the course of at least a week, the floor in my mother's room hadn't been swept and the same particles of dirt and 'debris' were still in place after several visits. I took photos, however, and if I have to take the Care Home to court, I have dozens, if not hundreds of photos showing the dirty and untidy state of her room, including excrement on her toilet seat, which wasn't cleaned properly even after me bringing it to their attention. What's that? It's a dirty job and they don't get paid much? Tough! They shouldn't do it then. Hell, what am I saying? They don't.
I'm not saying that all staff are the same, some are quite pleasant, but far too many just don't appear to have a scooby when it comes to the quality of care in regard to a nearly 104 year old woman with Alzheimer's and cancer. In the interests of fairness, the current manageress (she's had two predecessors) is trying to solve the issues, but her staff simply don't seem to listen to her. They treat the place like their private fiefdom and run it for their own convenience rather than that of the residents. It's as though it's staffed by a bunch of amateurs, not properly-trained professionals. It now has new owners, yet I've still to see any consistent improvement. Around three years ago, my local newspaper ran a story about my unhappiness with the place, but the Care Home didn't respond.
No photos this time as there are simply too many to choose from, but in the next instalment there will be horror stories aplenty and I'll publish names and photographs of some of the culprits. Unless, that is, after four years of this fiasco, they can get their act together and treat my mother with the dignity she deserves. Up to them. Non-anonymous comments welcome.
I don't know if yours is the normal experience of a care home, Kid, or if you've been unlucky but we have an ageing population so looking after the frail elderly is going to become a huge issue over the next few decades.
ReplyDeleteI think they're all pretty much of a muchness, CJ. However, most people are just so grateful they don't have to care for their elderly relatives themselves, they tend not to look too closely at the standard of care. Not only were staff not checking on my mother, they'd been instructed not to. If that's 'care', I'm a Dutchman. And just about anything you can mention is going to become a huge issue over the next few decades.
DeleteHendrik Van Dyke.
My mother in law lived with us for four years. She was in the early stages of dementia when she moved in. After my wife was diagnosed with cancer, we had to put her in a local nursing home, but it worked out well because even though she had memory issues, there were other residents there that she had known most of her life and she still recognized some of them. Their caregivers were, for the most part, pretty good about looking after her.
ReplyDeleteSadly, covid hit and they were all isolated for the better part of the year, basically confined to their rooms. She got covid twice, despite being isolated, but she managed to bounce back, but after the isolation and confinement, she wasn't able to get up and move around. She passed away a couple of years ago on her 88th birthday.
We were satisfied with the care she got, given the situation, but I've heard nightmare stories about other facilities. I think we were fortunate to have one so close by with people we knew working there.
Prayers for your mom. One of those diseases is bad enough.....I can't imagine her having to deal with cancer and Alzheimer's.
Thanks, G, and sorry to hear about your mother-in-law. My mother has actually had Covid as well (twice, I think), but survived that. In fact, her Care Home had more Covid deaths than any other in the whole region. I've found with some 'caregivers' that they imagine they're doing a good job when there's actually more they could be doing. It's probably not so bad for those residents who are compos mentis and can do some things for themselves, but for those stricken with Alzheimer's it's a different kettle of fish. And some staff are a bit thick. They take out my mother's hearing aids and then start talking to her as though she can hear them, when she can sometimes barely hear them even with them in. Cheers.
DeleteI think that in general care homes in UK are good BUT there is no doubt there are a large percentage of them that are borderline atrocious . These can as you note , be unclean and employ staff who are a mix of overworked, uncaring , unskilled, and underpaid. Care is such for an important job and as Colin notes we are an aging population and will sadly be in need of these places at some point, it's scary . My mum had a pretty poor experience in hospital ( not a Care home) when she went in with a broken foot and sadly they found cancer but the ward was in chaos. Saying that there were a few very, very caring and helpful doctors and nurses ( a highland nurse, Irish and English doctor, Godsends). My partner's mum had a much worse experience in Paisley the ward was genuinely dirty they forgot to give her medication, take her to the loo etc. It's a lottery. To be fair when I had my heart attack my care was amazing .
ReplyDeleteAnyway bottom line is what your mum and yourself are going through is awful, I feel for you it's emotionally and physically exhausting. I hope things get better and watch your own health .
Thanks for your kind sentiments, McS, and sorry to hear that your mum also had a poor experience (in hospital). There's always a few good carers and nurses, but sadly just not enough. I've found far too many of them to be rather obtuse creatures and, unfortunately, they seem to outnumber the good ones. And there are always well-meaning ones who, sadly, despite their best intentions, just aren't up to the job.
DeleteThings don't change. My father spent the last couple of years of his life in a care home when my mother could no longer be his carer. Before the final home he was in one where waking up in the night he was unaware of where he was in strange surroundings, in the dark he fell, lying on the floor for hours well into daylight before he was assisted.
ReplyDeleteMy mother, living in assisted living when my father was in a care home suffered stomach trouble and was taken to hospital where she contracted c-diff. Once that was cleared of c-diff the care home my father was in agreed to take her in until she was strong enough to go home.
After she was there a few weeks she died in her sleep, simply worn out age 89. I received a phone call at 3am in NYC to tell me she had died. It was three days before I could get a flight to London. As her death didn't look good on the home's records they promptly shipped my dad off to a 'nursing home' where they could offer better treatment.
By the time I arrived from the US I found his belongings were not sent with him, nor his medical record or hearing aids. He was 93, had no idea what was happening to him. Didn't know where he was and kept asking for my mother, forgetting that she had died. I was there when he first met the doctor. Dad couldn't hear or understand the questions so I answered for him. The doctor was concerned that my father's record said he showed a violent nature, It seemed a male nurse had kept straightening a 'trigger finger' causing considerable pain, more elder abuse than a violent trait of my father.
I was in the US, whenever I phoned to ask after my father, he could not hear well enough to use a phone, so I called the manager. She was a woman from Africa whose accent was incomprehensible on the phone. She refused to answer emails. When dad died four months later, I received a phone call from a Filipino aid.
His passing was a merciful release for him, and sad to say for me also.
My prayers are with you for this stressful time.
Absolutely shocking, T47, nobody should have to go through that sort of thing. My mother's Care Home has staff whose accents are so strong, I can barely make out what they're saying, and my mother often has to ask them to repeat themselves when her hearing aids ARE working, so she's got no chance when they aren't. They often have difficulty making me out also, which makes any coherent conversation extremely difficult.
DeleteWhat annoys me is, despite my repeated complaints, the staff don't seem to grasp the fact that if my mother can't hear, she's isolated in her deafness, which isn't acceptable. However, just as long as they've given her a cup of tea and a bit of toast, they seem to think they're fulfilling their purpose. What I've described in this post, though, is not the worst of it. Wait 'til you see the standards of 'cleanliness' in the place. Thanks for sharing what must obviously be very painful memories with the rest of us, T47.
The most annoying part of my fathers last five months was the inability to get information from the home.
ReplyDeleteI received emails from the home's head office when a doctor visit was scheduled monthly and I flew to the UK for those. As Dad was deaf, and smiled and nodded when questions were asked so who knows what mischief could have happened to him.
When I complained about the manager not communicating I was told I was being racist.
I later found out that the manager was replaced by a social worker who ironically was the one who helped my parents get the social services they needed eight years previously when they changed boroughs to move into assisted living and who liked my parents, even sending them holiday cards.
My mother had wasted away with old age and dad died literally of a broken heart.
What annoys me, T47, is the smug attitude these places have about the 'standard of care' they provide. The manageress in my mother's place describes it as 'exceptional', despite the Care Inspectorate assessing them only as 'adequate' in all areas, though I'd say 'barely adequate'. I continually feel as though I'm banging my head off a brick wall with them. Review after review, where they say the same thing and make the same promises. It's clear they only hold them to give the impression that they're doing something, so that they have a line of defence against future criticism. Nothing ever improves, and in the very few instances where it does, it's short-lived before returning to its previous state of ineptitude.
DeleteI could crush a grape. I hope this post hasn't been too painful for you as you can clearly relate to it.
As I said when I replied; Things don't change.
ReplyDeleteMy parents passed in 2008. The councils that monitor the homes do so in a casual way. Everybody is polite and give the impression that they care but the actual staff that have to do the grunt work are lowly paid and few actually care about doing the work. Many of the staff were overseas workers, the men from the Philippines and the women from eastern Europe.
I know I didn't do the best as advocate for my parents, partially because I lived three and a half thousand miles away, but as you are finding out, even being on the spot in a frequent manner, people don't listen. My dad couldn't hear what was said to him. To communicate I wrote on a pad with a broad black marker so even without reading glasses he could read it. Trouble was two minutes later he forgot what he had read and agreed to. I would explain this to staff but they never seemed to stay long and didn't pass on any advice to their successor.
I saw staff talking to him with a long list of issues that he clearly didn't hear and understand, they just ignored that he couldn't hear, even with hearing aids if they were worn at all. In the end he would be woken up, helped dress, eat meals and sleep sitting up in an armchair all day. No interaction or stimulation, then early to bed.
Partially it was old age, partially to was the long term effect of being in several building collapses during the Blitz.
The fact is nursing homes and care homes are the same in the US and UK. The have difficulty finding staff, they are not well overseen by the authorities charged with doing so. Basically politicians everywhere don't care.
In your case even the press coverage didn't help improve matters. May I suggest seeing if any other residents have family that are unhappy with the care received and possibly jointly you can contact the agency overseeing the home to express your issues.
I visit in the evening, T47, to avoid one or two daytime staff whom I detest and there's a danger I'd blow my top with them. There's another story there which I'll tell in the future, but I haven't met any relatives of other residents, though I know a couple whose mother/mother-in-law used to reside in the place until she died. They said it was a 10 year battle to try and get her cared for properly, though they never actually achieved that goal.
DeleteYesterday, I sent a batch of photos of a dirty armchair table to the manageress taken on my Saturday visit, and she sent me a complaints form to fill in, rather than just tell her staff to wipe the table whenever they lift a finished cup of tea or empty plate, but seemingly that's too difficult for them. It seems that she's now fobbing me off, though a meeting between me, her, a social worker, and someone who works for the company who just bought the place is being scheduled for this week (I think).
However, I have no expectation that things will change (as you said) for the better. They just don't seem to have a clue as to the most effective way of doing things. The basics are okay (feeding, washing her, etc.), but anything above that seems consistently beyond them. They're fond of holding meetings and reviews, though, as it's supposed to create the impression that they're doing something and take my complaints very seriously.
Not seriously enough in my view, or I wouldn't have been regularly complaining for four years.
May I remind would-be commenters that I no longer publish anonymous comments unless they have a name of some sort affixed to them.
ReplyDeleteKid, I'm shocked, angry and much more, with your experience with this shoddy care homes atitude to your dear old mothers terrible lack of care. They always state it's the funding causing issues in care homes, but I say, care and empathy cost nothing. The real issue is, crap staff doing roles they have no mental aptitude for, just emotionally devoid jobsworths on a basic salary, working for a profit first, care second, elderly exploitation machine. I suppose like most things, care homes may differ in quality, but there does seem to be a societal problem of no one giving a general toss about anyone or anything, except themselves, and sadly it's those self entitled types getting employment within this care industry. I prey for your lovely, to be 104 year old mother (amazing), and best wishes in your continuous struggle, in getting the right level of care inplace.
ReplyDeleteI can only suppose they think that as long as they feed and wash her, they're doing their job, AAW, but the fact that the standards of cleanliness and tidiness are not as high as she had in her own home when I looked after her (before my own health took a downturn) is simply staggering. It only takes seconds to wipe a table after lifting a cup from it, but this seems to be beyond them. However, perhaps my continual complaining is finally having an effect, as when I visited tonight, the room was cleaner than usual. (Probably won't last though, if previous experience is any indication.)
DeleteApologies, I mean 'Pray'...
ReplyDeleteI sometimes think 'prey' is how they see my mother, AAW.
DeleteKid, when you said you can't understand the strong accents of the staff in your mother's care home I assume you mean they are foreign accents, not strong Scottish accents? Apparently around a quarter of care-home staff come from overseas.
ReplyDeleteYes, thick and nigh-impenetrable foreign accents, CJ, and they seem to have just as much difficulty comprehending what I say to them. There used to be an English woman, too, with no teeth, and understanding what she was saying was very hit and miss.
Delete