BABE Of The DAY - PENELOPE CRUZ...

When I asked PENELOPE CRUZ if she could show me the way

to heaven, I was rather startled by her frank visual reply.  (I'm only

talking about her heel pointing skywards, you dirty-minded lot.)

IF ONLY EVERYTHING OLD WAS NEW AGAIN...

Just around the corner from my house is a block of flats that's recently had some renovation work carried out (new roof slates and rough-casting).  One of the paths that leads to the back of the flats suffered some broken paving slabs in the process and half of the path was replaced with nice new slabs.

I was struck by how fresh, clean and smooth they were in comparison to the old ones, and it reminded me of how new my town used to look back in the 1960s and '70s.  There are two colours which I used to associate with my town - grey and green.  Grey (a nice light, bright grey) for the buildings, lampposts and paths, and green for all the grassy areas and fields that once existed (but now seem to have been built on).

Looking at the surviving half of the original path, it was old and worn and discoloured, much as large portions of the town now seem to be.  (And when I catch sight of my reflection, as I also now seem to be.)   If only the place could recapture that 'fresh and new' look it once had, as too much of it appears a little shabby and dilapidated compared to years ago.

Is it any wonder that yesterday can often seem far more appealing than today or tomorrow?

REMEMBER COMIC BOOK FOLDEES...?

Or FOLDEE (singular) to be precise, as I can find only one - but what a one it is.  'Twas Scots comicbook writer GRANT MORRISON who gave it to me at a comic mart in Glasgow a goodly number of years back.  I'd just purchased the first two DENNIS The MENACE books, and Grant had just bought several Foldees when we ran into one another.  We chatted away for a bit, and as he checked out his new acquisitions he noticed he had a 'doubler'.  "Do you want it?" he asked, obviously trying to ingratiate himself with me as I'm ultra-famous and everybody wants to be my pal.  (Hey, I'm writing this post so I'll tell it my way, reality be damned!)

"Sure, thanks very much!" I replied, and that's how the above Foldee came into my grateful possession.  As for Grant, I don't know what happened to him - he's likely living in abject poverty and wondering why he never made it as big as me.  However, some of us are born to greatness and some of us aren't, so he shouldn't feel bitter about his relative obscurity in comparison to myself.  Oh, here comes the nurse with a little cocktail of funny-coloured pills for me to take so I'd better wrap things up now and climb into my long-sleeved pyjamas.  I wish they'd find me an ordinary pair, because I can't scratch my @rse when it gets itchy through the night.  What we comicbook superstars have to put up with, eh?

Anyway, enjoy looking at the Foldee and remembering your childhood.  Any reminiscences you'd care to share will be most welcome in the comments section, so get typing, Criv-ites.