Sunday, 8 July 2018

RIP-SNORTING REPOST: THE STARTLING SECRET ORIGIN OF THE FANTASTIC FOUR...


Image copyright MARVEL COMICS

(Today's post is taken from Roddy Weed's blog and is
published with full permission - take it away, Roddy...)

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Hi, fans - I'm RODDY WEED and I'm back yet again with a few fascinating facts (that you already know) and loads of fantastic throwaway theories to amaze and astound you ('cos they're so far-out) on this, the world's greatest blogazine - DIAL 'B' For BULLSH*T !

Think you know the origin of the FANTASTIC FOUR ?  Well, IRoddy Weed, am about to give you the real, honest-to-goodness lowdown on the true origin of the fab foursome created by STAN LEE and JACK KIRBY in 1961.  For instance, did you know that the actual prototypes of the FF were ROBIN HOOD & His MERRY MEN ?  Hard to believe?  Well, IRoddy Weed, writer of the greatest blogazine in the history of the world, am going to prove it to you right now.

ROBIN Of LOXLEY, also known as the outlaw ROBIN HOOD, had four main comrades in his band of SHERWOOD FOREST followers.  Namely, LITTLE JOHNWILL SCARLETFRIAR TUCK, and MAID MARION.  Pay attention now, while I exclusively reveal the astounding, irrefutable conclusions of many minutes of painstaking research and several seconds of convoluted contemplation on the pertinent points which prompt my cataclysmic claim.


REED RICHARDS is clearly based on Robin Hood because he's the leader of the group in the same way that Robin is chief of his merry men.  Also, his stretching ability mirrors the expanse-spanning reach that Robin's arrows allow him in his quest for justice, enabling him to smite his enemies from a distance.

BEN GRIMM is obviously an amalgam of Little John and Friar Tuck;  John is grim-meined (hence Ben's surname) and a man of great strength, while Tuck, despite his ungainly appearance (just like Ben's) has a heart of gold and is possessed of a noble spirit that echoes his modern-day counterpart.  Likewise, Ben's orange-hued epidermis is reminiscent of Tuck's ruddy complexion.

JOHNNY STORM is undoubtedly Will Scarlet - the colour of his fiery alterego being the living embodiment of Will's surname.  Just like Will, Johnny is sometimes a bit hot-headed (willful even), further confirming the uncanny similarities 'twixt the two men.  No doubt Will often used flaming arrows to lay his enemies low just as Johnny has done when tossing fireballs at the bad guys.

SUSAN STORM is inarguably the modern-day equivalent of Maid Marion.  Firstly, she's the only permanent female member of the group (like Marion) and, furthermore, she eventually wed the group's leader, providing persuasive proof that the FF were (perhaps - maybe - probably - oh, what the hell - definitely) inspired by and based upon Robin and his outlaw band.


Unconvinced?  Consider PRINCE JOHN then.  Patently the archetype on whom the FF's arch-foe, DOCTOR DOOM, is based.  Just like John, Doom lives in a castle;  just like John, who conceals his true persona under the guise of benign ruler of a country, Doom hides his true visage under a mask.  And in the same way that John hates Robin and his band and tries to kill them, Doom's mission is to wipe Reed and his team from the face of the Earth.

The similarities are simply stunning, and 'tis only IRoddy Weed, who - despite all these glaring clues staring everyone in the face for years - has recognised their significance and pieced them together using my highly imaginative and creative cranium (and a few reefers) to educate and enlighten your dull and dreary lives and save you from the tedium of your vapid, pointless existence.

This is IRoddy Weed, creator of the world's greatest blogazine, signing off for the foreseeable future - so that you'll all miss me and pine for my return.  (What will you do without me?) 

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