Friday, 4 December 2015


I was in my local pub the other night having a
lemonade (in a dirty glass), when SALMA HAYEK
sidles up to me and asks me for my telephone number.
"You're married, Salma (to a multi-millionaire, no less -
I wonder what she saw in him?) so it wouldn't be
right to give you my number!" says I.

"Number - now!" she says, whipping out a dirty
great gun from under her t-shirt.  Well, who am I to
argue with a lady?  Especially when she's toting such im-
pressive weaponry (in more ways than one).  So I handed
her my mobile number, and no doubt she'll be calling me
sometime soon.  I'll just let it go to voicemail 'though -
there's far too many women  in my life at the
moment, fighting for my attention.

(Nurse, is it time for my medicine yet?)


Colin Jones said...

Caroline Aherne as Mrs. Merton interviewing Debbie McGee, wife of irritating shortarse, I mean popular magician and TV personality Paul Daniels : "So, Debbie McGee - what first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels ?" Now, that was magic !!

Kid said...

So I take it you like Paul Daniels (but not a lot), eh, CJ?

Colin Jones said...

Kid, did you ever see the incident when Paul Daniels appeared on Breakfast Time in about 1983 - they always had a guest celebrity to review the papers and so Paul Daniels was going through the papers and he came to the Morning Star which he suddenly ripped in half and started ranting about Communists shooting people, what a bizarre carry-on.

Kid said...

Nope, didn't see that. Breakfast time? I was probably still piling up the zeds.

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